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A Cliff Notes Guide To The Woman Calling Herself Michael Phelps’ Girlfriend

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Michael Phelps attending party in Germany June 2013Ever since Michael Phelps‘ second DUI, I've been trying to wean myself off caring about him, which is harder than you'd think, because I was weirdly obsessed with him during the 2008 Olympics. I mean, it's not weird. He only won the most gold medals that any Olympian had ever won at one Games, and he has that body, and he loves his mom, and I was twenty-one at the time and very impressionable.

But you don't need to know all that. (Sorry.) All you need to know is that I have a very good reason for not being up-to-date on his whole girlfriend situation. But never you mind, everyone. I'm going to rectify that right now, and I'm going to bring all of you along with me for a cliff notes guide to this ‘controversy'. Because it really isn't one, as I'll explain.

Who is this woman?

Her name is Taylor Lianne Chandler, and she's forty-one years old, which makes her eleven years older than Michael.

How did they meet?

She claims they met on Tinder in August, and that their first date was at Michael's home in Baltimore, where they watched the Ravens game on television and (allegedly) had sex during halftime:

“One thing led to the next, and we made love during halftime. Later, we had sex again. The intimacy with him was amazing! It was the first time in my life that someone has made me feel like a true woman.”

Where is that quote from?

Why from Radar Online, of course! Don't you get on the phone with them every time you feel the need to detail a sexual conquest? Thought that was totes norms.

Is she telling the truth?

It's hard to know. She's being being described as Michael's girlfriend, but that's a self-proclaimed title, and many have pointed out that while she's covered her Facebook with his image, all the pictures she used are stock photos that anyone could have had access to.

So what does that mean?

If you want my opinion — and you seem to, because you're reading this post — I would bet that Michael and Taylor did indeed meet on Tinder, and even hooked up and exchanged numbers, but that it was never anything serious, at least not for him. My suspicion is that Taylor's a bit of an exhibitionist and a star-effer, which would explain why she's gone public with all their communications.

All their communications? What does that mean?

Welp, it means that she sent screenshots of what she claims are her texts back-and-forth with Michael to Radar, and you can see those here. In the texts, you can see Taylor pleading with Michael to let her come over on the night he was arrested for drunk driving, and event that she claims she was in the car for.

Hey was she born female by any chance?

It's so funny you would ask that, because no, she actually was not. Taylor says she was born David Roy Fitch, an intersex baby, which she explains thusly:

“I was born with male genitalia with no testicles, but I also have a uterus and no ovaries.”

Did Michael know this? 

Apparently not at the time, but Taylor informed him after the fact, via an email once he was already in rehab. She does insist that she never willfully misled him, though.

“I never lied to him. We were together for such a short period of time, I never had a chance to tell him about my life.”

Does that matter?

Nope. Not even a little bit. For some reason everyone's going nuts about the fact that she wasn't strictly born female, and instead underwent hormone therapy and corrective surgery to achieve the gender she identified with:

“In my early teens I was medically diagnosed and went on testosterone blockers, at 15 estrogen enhancers. My birth certificate was modified along with my name while I was a teenager, prior to any corrective surgery.”

But really guys, this couldn't matter less. I'm way less curious about her gender identity than I am about her weird bragging about their hookup. I feel like that's way more the story here, but I'm also not a bigot, so.

What's gonna happen now?

It's not clear! Taylor says she hasn't heard from Michael since her email, although it seemed from his earlier texts that he wasn't going to be able to hold onto his phone during his stay, so that might make sense. He's supposed to be released from rehab this week, however — Taylor says he's already out now — and she's not sure what's going to happen to their relationship:

“Michael is a brand, and dating someone like me may not be the best thing. I just hope he follows his heart and not what his people tell him.”

Yeah, that he follows his heart. I'm sure that's absolutely the appendage that makes Michael Phelps' dating decisions these days.

Best of luck to both of you guys. Seems like you each have some unresolved issues to work out (codependence for Taylor, drankin' for Michael), so it's probably better you stay separate.

(Photo: WENN.com)