Despite Handling A Baby, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine Fails To Earn My Sympathy In Video For ‘One More Night’

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Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to check off “Music” as the category for this post? I'm a little sad we don't have a category for “piercing, repetitive ear poison.” Perhaps I should talk to tech about that. Which is all to say: yes, Maroon 5 has a new video, and yes, Adam Levine boxes and holds a baby in it, but no, I'm not as stoked about it as the rest of the internet seems to be.

In a move perhaps designed to show his “even softer side,” Adam Levine, who should not be allowed to have tattoos, went with a domestic narrative for the music video for new Maroon 5 single “One More Night.” In it, the least believable boxer of all time has breakfast with his wife/girlfriend Minka Kelly and their adorable baby before going off to get the shit kicked out of him in the ring at the most hipster-y boxing match I've ever seen, minus the dude who looks like and/or actually is Kid Rock. Oh, to be his opponent! He then comes home to find Minka Kelly has left him(!) and taken the baby too, and sits there, literally and physically beaten up. “Poor Adam Levine,” we are supposed to think. “At least she left the goldfish.”

Except no, that is not what I think at all. Maybe it's his eternally douchey persona, but I can't help being on Minka Kelly's side, here, despite knowing absolutely nothing about their situation. Women don't up and leave their hot (ugh, it's true) husbands for trivialities! Maybe he was abusive towards her, maybe he banged her best friend, or maybe he just wouldn't stop singing the same note over and over in that nasal, Backstreet Boys-y tone of voice. Whatever it was, I find it impossible to view him as “the victim” here. Sorry, Adam Levine, but you're going to have to hire someone else to be the dude in your video next time.

And as for the music…well, it makes “Moves Like Jagger” sound like Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. And you know what we think of “Moves Like Jagger.” At least he keeps out-doing himself?

(Via MTV Buzzworthy, which has the video)