Your Guide To The Eligibility Of The Magic Mike Strippers

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There's a lesson to be learned from Magic Mike, ladies and gentlemen, and that lesson is that strippers can be hot. Like, very hot. Like, how many times is it acceptable to see Magic Mike in theaters before I have to admit that I have a problem? These stripper guys were hot enough that I felt the need to check on their marital statuses. I mean, just to know. I'm not saying I'm gonna show up at their houses and pretend like I lost my keys and have to break in. I certainly won't be doing that. But just in case you're as curious as I was, here's your breakdown of the eligibility of all the Magic Mike strippers. Enjoy…

Channing Tatum, Magic Mike himself, and former actual stripper in real life, is…wait for it…married. And has been since 2009, to Jenna Dewan, an actress and dancer whom he met on the set of Step Up. Surprised? I was. For some reason I thought Channing was younger, but he's a genuine 32-year old adult person with a wife, a production company, and a very hot body.

Matt Bomer, who plays Ken, falls into the relationship column, but don't go getting all excited that he's not married, because it's still pretty damn serious. He and his partner, Simon Halls, have three sons together via a surrogate. Matt publicly came out as gay in February of this year.

I actually can't quite tell what's going on with Kevin Nash, who played the stripper Tarzan. He married Tamara Nash in 1988, but they divorced in 2000 when their son was four. From what I can see, though, the two of them may have reconciled, but not remarried. He's probably one for the relationship column, but it's possible that he's still up for grabs, so get out there and get grabbing, ladies.

Ooh! We finally found one who's definitely on the market. Adam Rodriguez, who played Tito, split from his girlfriend, singer Melanie Fiona, back in March. The two were together for three years, though, and according to her song lyrics he has a bit of a wandering eye, so tread carefully.

And another single stripper! Joe Manganiello, who played Big Dick Richie, is apparently living the bachelor life as well. Tabloids inform me that he's been spotted out and about with various leggy blondes, though, so get leggy and get blond and get out there before one of them ties him down. What are you waiting for?

And of course finally there's Matthew McConaughey, who didn't actually play a stripper, but whose body we've seen on enough occasions that he gets stripper status. Matt is newly married to Camila Alves as of June 9th of this year, and the two of them have two children, Levi and Vida.

And there you have it! Your handy-dandy breakdown of exactly which of the Magic Mike strippers you have absolutely no chance with, and then the ones you still have no chance with! I hope it was super extra helpful.

(Image: filmophilia.com)