Entertainment

The $10,000 Problem In Magic Mike

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Before I begin with this review of Magic Mike starring Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer and Alex Pettyfer, let me warn you that there will be spoilers. Will they ruin the movie for you? No. Because you're not going to see the movie for the plot. You're going to see it because you like the idea of watching this happen over and over again in a dark room.

So with that in mind, let's proceed with my critique on the Citizen Kane of stripper films.

Let's say your friend starts selling ecstasy and then proceeds to lose $10,000 worth of pills. Now let's say he can't pay back the guy who sold him the pills and they're going to kill him. You'd help him out right? Because you're not only his friend, but you're also a human being and you don't want to see him murdered by vengeful drug dealers.

That's what happens in Magic Mike. Adam (Alex Pettyfer) starts dealing ectasy, loses the pills at a sorority party and essentially forces Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) to pay the drug dealers $10,000. Okay, he didn't force him. But Mike felt obligated after hearing what happened.

Adam's response to this amazingly generous life-saving offer?

“I'll pay you back.”

That's it. They sit at a picnic table, drinking beers and act like this is just a routine part of friendship. But it's not. Friends don't just loan their friends $10,000 all the time, as if it's nothing. Especially when the movie made it clear that Magic Mike has only $13,000 saved up — and he planned to use that $13,000 to start his furniture business (yes, he's a stripper with the heart of a constructor).  So now Magic Mike has $3000 to his name. And his name, in case you forgot, is Magic Mike.

So I think it's fair to say Adam should have offered to do a little bit more for him. Like sell his brand new car to pay him back immediately. Or sell his kidney on the black market. Or even just lay out some kind of realistic payment plan. As in, you can have half of my $1 bills every night we strip together.  Really, anything. Because that' s an insane gesture that's treated very lightly. It's just unrealistic.

And I think this financial movie mistake will weigh heavily on the Oscars committee. Otherwise, I would say they're a shue-in for best picture. It's that good and that touching. Of course by touching, I mean you want to reach out and touch them.

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