This Photo Of Madonna’s Hairy Armpit Is Probably Fake, But It’s Still Jarring

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Madonna walking and twirling her hair GIF

Madonna sure doesn't waste any time in uprooting our mornings, huh? She posted a photo of herself to Instagram last night just knowing it would be the first thing we'd see today.

Which is a nice gesture, because I'm sure her fans really enjoy opening their eyes to that professionally-lit and made-up face…but it was a little jarring for the rest of us today because in this particular shot, she was posing with an arm up, exposing a tidy little thatch of armpit hair for all the world to see.

Now don't get me wrong — I'm all for ladies growing their shit out. In the winter, I let things get so dire in the leg department that I'm surprised I've never been mistaken for a centaur. Just 10:00am is a littttle early for me to be coming in contact with a face full of armpit, hairy or not.

But since we're all here, eye to eye with Professor Hair-old Hill, let's look around for a bit, really check the place out. The caption Madge is using for this particular photo is:

“Long hair…… Don't Care!!!!!! #artforfreedom #rebelheart#revolutionoflove”

Which is ironic, because the longer I look at this…the longer I'm starting to think it's fake. I can't believe I'm saying these words before we've all had a cocktail, but look at the base of those underarm hairs. I mean really study them.

See how much darker and sort of dotted they are at the base? That reminds me a lot of theatrical hair pieces that you're supposed to blend in at the base with a stippling sponge. It looks like Madonna hasn't done that though, which is why the hair kind of springs up out of nowhere. And why there are photos of her just three weeks ago that are completely bare in the armpit department.

I mean that was three weeks ago, so it's possible she rustled up some serious follicle action since then, but as I recall from some of those nude photos from the beginning of her career, Madonna's body hair grows in dark. Like really dark.

So yeah, I think it's fake, which makes it super weird that she's pretending she's like…making a statement about freedom and art and rebellion. When really she's just making a statement about the importance of blending when you're using stage makeup. #artforfreedom

(Image: giphy)