Entertainment

Despite All The Celebrity Cameos, Madonna’s New Music Video Is Embarrassing As Hell

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Beyonce Bitch I'm Madonna

Yesterday the Internet was abuzz with conversation about Madonna's new music video for her song “Bitch I'm Madonna.” Based on the poster and the many celebrity cameos that were being teased, a lot of people thought Madge was ripping off Taylor Swift's “Bad Blood” music video from last month. Well, now the video has been released (one day later than Madonna said), and it turns out the two videos actually have nothing in common, in terms of both content and quality. Boy oh boy is it embarrassing.

The video premiered on Jay-Z's streaming service Tidal, which you have to have an account to watch. Since I'm sure most of us don't want to sign up for a website just to watch a goddamn Madonna video, you can watch the version that's been uploaded to YouTube while it still lasts. If you were thinking there'd be weapons and cool fight scenes and fun nicknames for all the celebrities, you're in for a big disappointment. It's pretty much just Madonna walking through a party awkwardly making out with male extras and lip-syncing to the most annoying song ever composed. Is this really the same woman who sang “Material Girl” and “Like a Prayer” and “Vogue”?

Yes, there are celebrity cameos. But they're extremely disappointing. From what I can tell, the only celebs who actually appear in the same room with Madonna are Rita Ora and Chris Rock. (Yeah. Chris Rock. Seriously.) Everyone else — Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Kanye West, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj — clearly filmed their parts at different times and in different locations. For Nicki's rap solo, Madonna actually dances next to a TV screen with Nicki's face on it. The cameos are quick and uneventful. It's just brief close-ups of their faces lip-syncing parts of the song. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be sad.

UPDATE: It's now officially on YouTube.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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