Liveblogging The Hills Premiere

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The Hills Season 3The episode starts out with Heidi and Spencer gossiping over breakfast. Heidi has a new nose and new boobs and Spencer has new facial hair. Their annoying voices are, unfortunately, the same. They have blatantly staged conversation about furnishing their “new apartment.”

Lauren and Audrina are in their apartment dishing about boys. Some guy named Justin who abandoned Audrina in Vegas and now they're going out again. Lauren doesn't do much to hide her disappointment.

Heidi and Spencer have more staged conversation in their “apartment.” Heidi's boobs are huge. Spencer has had their apartment graffiti-ed.  It looks terrible.  Heidi hates it. The whole staged situation is justlame.

Back to the other girls… Audrina meets Justin, a creepy looking, scruffy, undershirt and sport coat-wearing schmuck for dinner. Let me reiterate – he's creepy.

Lauren and Lo hang out in Lauren's place, having girl time. They discuss Audrina's new/old guy and whether or not it's worth it to give someone a second chance.

Back to Audrina and Creepy Justin. They have weird, meaningless conversation. They go back to the apartment to briefly visit with Lo and Lauren, who are laughing about Justin who sometimes goes by the name Bobby. Audrina and Justin/Bobby head out to Forty Deuce. Lauren looks offended.

*Sidenote: Lauren and Audrina's apartment is drastically better decorated than last season.

The next morning, Lauren and Audrina chat while Lauren cooks. Audrina explains that she and Justin/Bobby have decided to give it another chance. The girls giggle about how they have different taste in boys, but maybe Justin/Bobby has a nice single friend.

Oh look! Brody and Spencer are hanging out. Tool 1, meet Tool 2. Spencer is talking about popping the question to Heidi and Brody is not a fan.

Audrina's at work talking about Justin/Bobby again. This is really boring. Also, on a completely unrelated note, Audrina has a giant tattoo on the back of her neck. Audrina confesses that she really wants a boyfriend. Yawn.

Spencer is picking out a ring for Heidi at a random boutique. He buys a ring a fter just taking a peek. The salesgirl makes faux conversation. Spencer tears up the receipt and says he won't need to be returning the ring.

Heidi and Spencer head to Malibu for the weekend to stay at “Spencer's beach house.”

Back in Laguna Beach (remember that place?), Lauren goes to her parents' house. Lauren and her mom chat about Audrina and her relationship again. Lauren's mom gives some good mom advice.

Spencer and Heidi are on the beach. This, by the way, is the same Spencer who had his homeboy phone last season. He proposes. There's crying. I actually find myself sort of believing that they love each other.

Nice montage of all of the main characters to Fergie's “Big Girls Don't Cry.” And that, my friends, is episode one.