Oprah Gives Lindsay Lohan A TV Show, Because I Guess She Ran Out Of Cars

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Lindsay Lohan LAX April 2013

In exciting news for people who like to watch former child stars self-destruct on a reality TV series that's designed for celebrity tragedy rubberneckers, Oprah just gave Lindsay Lohan her own reality show on OWN. Yes, that Lindsay Lohan. The one who's currently treating rehab like a bar crawl.

“I'm done with this rehab, the bouncer is a real dickhead here,making me call him doctor and shit, neeexxxttt,” she yells as she stumbles out of a rehab facility, surrounded by concerned nurses and her lawyer, Shawn Holley.

“Lindsay, I just need to call the judge first and ask if you can leave…and okay, you're in my car, in the driver's seat, okay, you're right, leave first, find a legal loophole later.” Shawn Holley says  as she curses herself under her breath for the 100th time for making that deal with the devil all those years ago. Sure she has no law school debt, but…well, Lindsay is her client for life.

So what do we know about this show so far? Besides fact that the first episode will garner Liz-and-Dick amount of tweets from my fellow bloggers. Well our friends at EW report the following:

Oprah Winfrey’s OWN cable network has signed Lohan to an eight-episode docu-series that will follow the actress as she works to rebuild her career and stay healthy. The interview will tape and air in August, with the series to air in 2014. “OWN will air an exclusive interview with Oprah and Lindsay Lohan that will tape and air in August and an eight-part documentary series with Lindsay for 2014,” an OWN spokesperson confirmed.

While it's great that OWN wants to capture Lindsay getting healthy and rebuilding her career, I'm not really sure if that's what's going to end up airing. We've all met Lindsay, right? She doesn't exactly excel at bouncing back and rebuilding her career. In fact I think it's fair to say that there's no longer a career to be rebuilt. I loved Parent TrapMean Girls and Freaky Friday as much as the next 20-something, but those movies premiered 10+ years ago now. In the years since then she's become much better known for her ability to get out of legal trouble than for her acting abilities.

Would I love LiLo to get better? Of course, I'm not an asshole. But do I think this show knows there's a strong chance she won't? Of course, I'm also not an idiot. Considering she turned out this way because adults — namely the ones who go by the last name Lohan — exploited her from a very young age, it would be nice if some of the other adults in her life would back off of her for a bit and give her an actual chance to recover. We can't expect much from Dina and Michael, but we can expect better from um, let's see, everyone else in the world.

(Photo: David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews)