Saturday Night Live Forgot To Give Lindsay Lohan Lines For Her Saturday Night Live Comeback

By  | 

I barely slept this week in anticipation for Lindsay's Lohan's big Saturday Night Live comeback. Mostly because every time I closed my eyes, her pillow face showed up in my head and I proceeded to have dreams about the Michelin Man changing places with Jamie Lee Curtis on the set of an Activia commercial.

After witnessing her 30 awkward press interviews in the last week, where she convinced us she's back and better than ever, I feared for the worst. That she actually was back and we'd be subjected to a sequel to Georgia Rules. But after watching the show, I'm not so worried anymore. Looks like Herbie still isn't fully loaded.

While Lorne Michaels might have allowed her back on the show, he didn't let her have any lines (cocaine or otherwise). She awkwardly stood around in all the sketches, waiting to say her token line. The best part of the whole episode was seeing her as a redhead again. If I watched without my glasses, I could just pretend the whole episode was a deleted scene from The Parent Trap.

LiLo kicked off the night with a cringe-worthy monologue about how happy she was to be allowed back to host the show. Throughout the monologue various cast members  inspected her to make sure she was actually behaving. Jimmy Fallon, looking like he came straight from an insurance conference, showed up and pointed out that Jon Hamm was ready and waiting in the audience to step in as a a back-up host. It would have been funnier if we all weren't wondering if this was an option. And if so, what hotline number do we call to make it happen.

Making fun of Bravo's Real Housewives never gets old and the franchise's so cliche at this point that it's probably pretty easy. This week they gave it the Disney twist, complete with beastiality and a gay prince. LiLo got a few lines in as Rapunzel, but Kristen Wiig stole the sketch as a drunken Cinderella.

I appreciated the original premise of the Scared Straight Sketch, but SNL's killed it by doing it over and over again. Throwing in Linds playing Linds (get it…she's a criminal!?) didn't freshen it up enough to make it funny. Especially when she delivered her lines like she was reading off a teleprompter.

Because if we keep laughing at Bobby Moynihan's Snooki impression on Weekend Update, we can totally pretend that this whole “pregnancy” thing is a huge joke. There's no way Snooki's really with child, right!? Kind of like how we can pretend that Lindsay's going to get soooo many movie offers from this hosting gig.