Oprah’s Giving Lindsay Lohan $2 Million And 2 Assistants For Her Show — What Could Go Wrong?

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Lindsay Lohan in Court January 2013

I guess Oprah Winfrey needed to do some spring cleaning and purge her money closet, so she decided to pay Lindsay Lohan $2 million for her new reality show. Oh, I'm sorry, not a reality show. A "docu-series," the fancy word for reality show. According to TMZ, Oprah's network OWN (as in I OWN everything, including your soul) has been negotiating with Lindsay about this for four months, and she signed the deal during rehab at Betty Ford. So nice that she was able spend her valuable rehab time figuring out how she can capitalize on all that negative attention when she gets released. She seems to really be learning her lesson, doesn't it seem? But that's not all Oprah's giving Lindsay in exchange for ratings. She'll also get two full-paid assistants and a stylist. Because a gritty documentary depicting Lindsay's real life requires those things.

Anyone else noticing shades of Kris Jenner here? At the risk of getting struck dead by a lightning bolt before my fingers can even finish typing the sentence, I'd like to say that Oprah should be ashamed of herself. I'm still alive, so I'll go on. I know we're all supposed to read the books she likes and give every brownie an edge because she screams that at us, but she doesn't get called out enough. For anything. In this case, let's call her out for using a struggling celebrity's ongoing trainwreck to attract ratings to her own struggling network. It's shameful enough to use a celebrity's problems to gain attention for yourself, but it's even worse to put a $2 million price tag on that celebrity's bad behavior and give her even more reason to think she's special. It's pretty clear Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a single assistant, let alone two, and she certainly shouldn't be worried about how coordinated her outfits are at this time in her life. This is a young woman whose fame and fortune — and her exploitation at the hands of those who would have us believe they're looking out for her — have led her down a path to self-destruction. So let's give her even more fame and fortune and exploit her life even more? Just like Lindsay living with her mom Dina after rehab, nothing could go wrong, except for everything.

For a woman who advertises herself as using her wealth and notoriety for good causes, Oprah certainly knows how to set a bad example. What does this teach the girls for whom she set up that school or the countless other young people she supposedly inspires? That they too can abuse drugs and alcohol, break the law, take no responsibility for their actions, and then turn around and get paid millions of dollars for it? What a terrible message to send wrapped in the guise of charity.

(Photo: PacificCoastNews.com)