Aww, Lindsay Lohan Won A Participation Trophy For Sometimes Getting Out Of Bed And Doing Stuff
I don't know what to make of this news, you guys. I'm serious. I think I'm actually stumped on finding anything even remotely witty to say about Lindsay Lohan receiving an actual award – mostly because I can't wrap my mind around the context behind it. In an odd, not-actually-a-joke-at-all move, Lindsay received the “Ischia Comeback Award” in for her participation with the West End production of David Mamet‘s play Speed The Plow at the Ischia Global Film & Music Festival.
I don't know who this “Ischia” if the definition of “comeback” has an entirely different meaning in Italy, but I think we can all agree that this is really just an adult version of the participation trophies we all won as kids for halfheartedly bunting a t-ball. Except Lindsay's “award” was given to her by an Oscar-winning director and seems to actually be, like, substantial. I just don't understand, since she hasn't even performed for a live audience yet and apparently can't even muster up the energy to get to rehearsals on time or behave professionally. Sooo let's reward her! She made it clear she thinks this is a well-deserved honor in her acceptance speech:
“It's really lovely to be in a position like this and go through certain things in life that bring you back to a place where you can then just speed into the plows of the new depths of your life. I just wanna give my life my all, and I just wanna wish everyone the best. Thank you and God bless.”
Guys, she just wants to give her life her all, okay? Even if that “all” means drinking vodka tonics alongside Dina Lohan in Long Island for the next 40 years. Also, did you catch that whole “speed into the plows of the new depths”? See what she did there? Oh, well, if you don't it's because she tied in the name of the West End play she's starring in with a metaphor that doesn't make any sense. So don't feel too bad! You still get a participation ribbon for your efforts.