In Which Lindsay Lohan Drinks Vodka While Admitting Sleeping With A Married Guy…Supposedly

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Lindsay Lohan on Kode Magazine cover Spring 2014It's already been a strange, sad day for Lindsay Lohan news, and it's about to get even stranger. In a new interview with a magazine I've never heard of before ever in my whole life, not only did Lindsay supposedly admit to dating a very wealthy married guy, but she also also insulted Barbara Walters and was drinking vodka the whole time. Whaaaaat?

I honestly don't even know where to start with this nonsense, so I'm just gonna bring you aboard my own train of thought and show you how this went down.

First Jenni pointed out to me that Just Jared had very casually included a quote about Lindsay's dating life in a recent post they put up about her sobriety being questioned. Supposedly, when the interviewer asked her whether she was planning on checking baggage at the airport, Lindsay replied:

“Oh this guy I’m seeing sent me a jet because he wants to see me…but he’s married with kids.”

Oh just this married guy I bone! That's a particularly…open comment coming from someone who took months just to admit she'd slipped and had a glass of wine after rehab, don't you think? But wait, there's more.

“When speaking of Oprah, Lohan has nothing but glowing qualms of the talk show queen ‘She’s taught me so much and really believes in me, nothing like Barbara Walters,’ she confesses as she takes a sip from her freshly topped off glass of Vodka on the rocks. From this moment, all questions of sobriety seem irrelevant.”

Sorry, what? Someone's being pretty goddamn bold in this situation, and it's either Lindsay for drinking straight through an interview that would've otherwise included questions about her sobriety, or the source itself, for blatantly inventing that very damning detail. Both seem equally unlikely, so I decided to investigate the supposed source, something called Kode Magazine.

…only to find that they haven't actually put the article up in its entirety. They posted this tweet two Fridays ago, but if you try to click through to their Spring 2014 cover featuring Lindsay, all you get is a 404 Error and a link offering a ‘sneak peek', which just takes you to a page with a few more photos but no content. And also their Twitter only has 5,654 followers at this very moment, so what the eff is going on?

A MYSTERY. So I was pretty much ready to assume that this was a fabricated interview, just like that one where Miley Cyrus supposedly threw shade at Beyonce, but then I stumbled upon this…

It's a video of Lindsay doing a shoot for Kode! So she was definitely there, which thickens the plot significantly! Is she seriously back to openly boozing and talking about her alleged married-with-kids lover? Or does this mysterious magazine have some serious splainin' to do?