Entertainment

Lifetime Movie The Good Mistress Is A Helpful Reminder To Never Trust Anyone. Ever.

By  | 

Lifetime movie The Good Mistress 2014 2

David won't stop trying to talk to her about the situation, but she keeps telling him to take a hike because of that whole being married to her BFF thing. Eventually he ends up at her door, where he threatens to tell her probation officer that she was drinking if she even thinks about telling Karen what they did. See, I told you she was an alcoholic for plot reasons.

Sandy gets assigned to pay a visit to the mother of that missing girl the movie keeps forgetting to tell us about. While she's there she tells the story of how her parents died in a car accident, the number one off-screen killer of parents in movies that want to give their protagonists sad backstories. This earns her the woman's trust, so she tells her about her daughter Anne and shows her the card her boyfriend had given her: “A perfect rose for a perfect lady.” That's right, he couldn't even think up a different line. Clearly Sandy's new duty in life is to prove David is the killer even though she really has no concrete evidence of it.

Sandy's determined to make up for that time she almost killed that kid, so she goes on a hunt for clues. That includes talking to a barfly at the place she met up with David. That same guy ends up dead in his car later from an apparent suicide. He has a memory card full of photos of Anne. The cops assume he's the killer, until the cute sheriff notices a handy-dandy reflection in one of the photos. At that point Sandy's brakes have already been cut, and she's had a confrontation with David in a parking garage, the worst place to go in a Lifetime movie.

David realizes he has to take action, so he asks Karen to come with him to their cabin in the woods, where “no one will hear her scream.” Haha, get it? She thinks he means she'll scream during sexy times but we assume/know he means she'll scream when he kills her. I see you, Lifetime. Sandy finds out where they've gone and races after them. It just wouldn't be a Lifetime movie without a character racing to a secluded cabin to save someone from being murdered.

When Sandy gets there she hears Karen and David fighting and sees David bring an ax into the house, presumably to go all Lizzie Borden on his wife (cross-marketing!). Sandy lures him outside by setting off the car alarm and promptly knocks him unconscious. Karen demands an explanation, because she's weirdly not so excited that her husband has just been attacked by her BFF in the middle of nowhere. Sandy gives her the CliffsNotes version of the story, and Karen is a little too forgiving. Wait a minute, she's eyeing that knife on the table very menacingly. It couldn't be… but she's… is she…? Oh yes she is! Turns out Karen was the murderer all along. Told you you couldn't trust anyone!

As always happens in Lifetime movies where someone presumably unexpected turns out to be a bad guy, they go from zero to nutso in a single evil monologue. It's like pretending to be a nice, sane person was just too much for them to handle for that long, and they can finally just be themselves. Let it goooo! Let it gooo! The cold never bothered them anyway, etc., etc. David wakes up and tries to stop Karen from killing Sandy because I guess he's nice now? But it doesn't matter because Sandy shoots her to death right before the cute sheriff shows up.

The movie ends with Sandy pouring her vodka down the sink and the cute sheriff showing up at her door with a pizza. She lets them in of course, because even though Lifetime just spent the last two hours proving how little you can trust people, a lady should always end her movie with a man. The last shot is of the sheriff straightening a photograph in her apartment that's been crooked the whole movie. ALERT ALERT SYMBOLISM. HE'S STRAIGHTENING OUT HER CRAZY LIFE WITH HIS LOVE. DO YOU GET IT? WHAT IF I LITERALLY BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WILL THAT HELP?

(Images: Lifetime)

Pages: 1 2