Blindsided Fulfills Lifetime’s New Year’s Resolution To Show More Movies About Blind Ladies

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Blindsided Fulfills Lifetime s New Year s Resolution To Show More Movies About Blind Ladies Lifetime Movie Blindsided Michelle Monaghan Michael Keaton 2014 jpg

Last year at around this time, I was enjoying a very fun Lifetime movie called In the Dark which revisited the “blind woman in danger from a bad guy” plot made famous in the classic Wait Until Dark. This week, Lifetime decided they needed more “blind woman in danger from a bad guy” movies, so they showed Blindsided. That’s right. Not only is the title a play on the fact that it’s about a blind person, but it’s also a foolproof technique to get people mindlessly searching the channel guide on a Saturday night to think they’re about to watch The Blind Side and then decide to watch this movie anyway because there’s nothing else on. I see you, Lifetime. Unlike your heroine, I am not blind.

Speaking of the heroine, her name is Sara (aren’t they all?) and she’s played by Michelle Monaghan, who must have gotten lost on her way to a blockbuster and taken a wrong turn into this movie. Sara used to be a photojournalist, but while in Afghanistan she was blinded in a very artsy explosion involving a baby doll. Luckily she walked away from it otherwise unscathed and still a total hottie. She now lives in a fancy New York City penthouse with her “investor” boyfriend Ryan. If I’ve learned anything from Lifetime movies, it’s that men who call themselves investors are actually criminals who owe bad guys money.

That turns out to totally be the case, as we learn when a guy named Chad (Barry Sloane, aka Clive Owen 2.0 when he’s being his usual British self) breaks into the penthouse and stabs Ryan to death. Sara comes home and, after calling Ryan’s name fifty times, taking a shower while Chad spies on her, and managing to not step in the huge pool of blood on the kitchen floor more times than I find realistic, she finally realizes what’s happened. Sara locks herself in her bedroom to send her sister a voice-activated email (because I guess the phone is unavailable?), but Chad gets onto the terrace and breaks in through the window. He gives her the classic cryptic thriller question: “Where is it?”

Meanwhile, we learn that Sara’s sister is pregnant and planning to come over later for New Year’s Eve (perfect timing, Lifetime). I naturally assumed that her pregnancy would play a significant part in the plot, like the bad guys would threaten the unborn baby if Sara didn’t talk, but the way they use it later is pretty disappointing. The way they use her husband’s status as a cop — so he can briefly reveal that he knows Ryan lied about where he was from — is also very disappointing. Basically, these two characters are useless.

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