I Don’t Feel Sorry For You Liberty Ross: Keep Trying To Stay In the Limelight By Making Weird Videos

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I don’t feel sorry for you, Liberty Ross, that you are trying to capitalize on your fame by making an overly wrought confessional video.

Here’s what I knew about Liberty before the Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Rupert Sanders fiasco:

  1.                .
  2.                .
  3.                .

See that? There was nothing typed there because I knew nothing about her.

Here’s what I learned about Liberty after K-Stew had an affair with her hubby:

  1. She’s looks like Posh Spice meets Famke Janssen meets Emily Blunt.
  2. She’s a model-turned-actress.
  3. She’s married to Rupert Sanders.

I also know that after this little affair, Liberty turned up on a fashion week runway for the first time in years where she was styled as an alien tennis player.

Well, apparently Liberty wanted us to know even more about her, so she made a new video entitled Alexander Wang Confessional with Liberty Ross.

And guys? This video is so, so bizarre.

First thing’s first. You were born in London. Fine. But you moved to L.A. when you were six months old! So what’s with the desperate attempt at a British accent in this thing? I’m no accent coach, but if you want to come across as a true Brit, words you might want to brush up on are: “called” “Flipper” “stroller” “dance” “school” and “cool.” You don’t seem British when you say these words. You seem like the long lost sister of Martin Short’s Franck.

Secondly, this whole thing is set up as if there’s a basic desire for information that the general populace has about Liberty Ross. As if we’re all like, “Oh sure, I know her current work and all those awards, but what was her childhood like? When are we going to finally learn about Liberty’s childhood?! Stop keeping details about our favorite model-turned-actress from us!!” … I guess it goes without saying I doubt that these people exist.

My favorite part of this video is when Liberty so obviously tries to let us know how surrounded by art she was at a young age (because that goes with the whole European thing). So she describes the roller disco named Flipper’s her dad opened in L.A. as a “great space of expression and dance.” Umm… last time I went to a roller rink it was a great space of games of grab-ass. But maybe I was going to the wrong rinks.

Then, Liberty gets into the whole modeling thing, letting us know that she didn’t start “properly modeling” until she was 18 and done with “skoo-elle.” All this while we are shown clips of Liberty where she looks sad and nervous. It’s not empowering!  She tries to make it empowering by talking about change and how the ends of some things mark the beginnings of others and other empty statements, but she just looks so out of sorts!

Finally, my other favorite part is when Liberty says, “I’m still the same girl when I go home. It doesn’t matter what I do in the day… I’m just Liberty.” Oh cool. …. Wait, what? WHO?

I’m sorry, you must assume I had a preconceived notion or concept of who “Liberty” is in the first place. I don’t mean to be a stickler but that sentence made the same sense to me as this sentence would to you: “Any way you slice the cake, a Flabjubbertyjub is still a Flabjubbertyjub.”

You can conceptually understand the concept of stasis, but you have no qualitative understanding of what a Flabjubbertyjub is, therefore the sentence is rendered meaningless. See? Since I have no idea who Liberty is, so I don’t know what that means for it to still be Liberty when you get home. I can’t give you points for that because I don’t know if that’s good or not. I’m sure it’s good! I just don’t know!

Oh, and Alexander Wang, if you're reading this, I love your shoes! Send me some!

(Photo: PacificCoastNews.com)