Leonardo DiCaprio Loves Models And Yachts More Than Gatsby Loved Daisy Or Jack Loved Rose

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Leonardo DiCaprio Yacht Cannes May 24 2013

Constantly seeing photos of Leonardo DiCaprio jetting off here and there on magnificent yachts surrounded by magnificent models is really starting to get to me, because I don't know how he and I are going to live happily ever after if he keeps these shenanigans up.

I mean, on one hand I can't blame him because I'm just guessing most guys would probably find a small bit of pleasure in being surrounded by young models all day, err day.  But on the other hand, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to revel in my regular fantasies about our future life together, you know? The closest thing I've ever come to boarding a yacht is when I attended my great grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary aboard a riverboat in downtown Pittsburgh.  And the closest I've ever come to modeling?  Getting my senior pictures taken.  So… yeah.  I'm probably not going to catch the eye of that rakish cad Leo anytime soon.

Since heading off into space just isn't enough to keep his interests piqued, Leo was “the leading man on this luxury cruiser” this past week in Cannes. (Thanks, E!)  In between napping and ogling, DiCaprio took some time-outs to smoke cigarettes and have some guy time.

E! assures us that it wasn't all bikinis/smokes/booze/sun – he made sure to periodically check his emails and catch up on voicemails throughout the day.  (Psst… they were all from me.)

(Photo: WENN)