I’m No Romantic, But Jay Cutler Proposed To Kristin Cavallari In The Lamest Possible Way

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Kristin Cavallari Proposal Jay Cutler

Let's make one thing clear: I'm no romantic. Say Yes to the Dress is more difficult for me to watch than some horror movies, and my least favorite times of the year are around Valentine's Day and Christmas, because I have to watch all those commercials suggesting that men and women only kiss after the woman has been given something sparkly. But even I think Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler's proposal to I-don't-know-what-she-does Kristin Cavallari was pretty lame.

According to Kristin, the fairy tale proposal happened while she was in the airport. Oh, so he must have run after her through the terminal and stopped her from getting on the plane so he could sweep her off her feet and ask her to be his bride! Except no, that's not what happened at all. Here's the way Kristin tells the story:

“It was so silly. I was in the airport, leaving Chicago. We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?' We're like, ‘Yeah, OK.'”

Okay, so, remind me what's wrong with these kinds of things happening in person, again? I mean, I know they were engaged before and they have a son together and everything, but text? Isn't it like the cardinal rule of 21st century romance that doing anything important through text (proposing, breaking up, deciding whether to see Les Miserables) is a no-go? Judging by the above picture, texting is Jay's preferred form of communication even when they're together.

But the long-distance wooing doesn't stop there. Kristin goes on to gush about how Jay revealed her engagement ring:

“And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on.”

…What? First of all, the thought of an expensive engagement ring going through the postal system makes my overly cautious brain want to explode. The only thing that would make me more nervous is if he had a carrier pigeon leave it on her front doorstep, and, come to think of it, I actually might trust the carrier pidgeon more. And if Kristin didn't even put it on for a couple of weeks, why did Jay even have to mail it? Couldn't he have kept it poorly hidden in a sock drawer for her to accidentally find like in every romantic movie or TV show I've ever seen? That seems a lot safer.

Because Kristin strikes me as the type of girl who would want some kind of grand romantic proposal — she's inviting 160 people to her wedding after all, which isn't exactly eloping — I imagine her telling this story while straining to keep her mouth in the shape of a smile. And I imagine her saying afterward, “I know it sounds really lame, but you had to be there; it was so romantic.”

But were you even there, Kristin? Were you even there?

(Photo: Ryan Fu/WENN.com)