Kristen Stewart Is Quitting Acting Because Of A Shameful Affair That Never Even Happened

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Just when you think the puppet masters pulling the strings behind this Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Cheating Stunt are growing tired of coming up with new rumors every single day, they up the ante by putting Kristen Stewart's career on the line.

Yesterday the actress dropped out of the upcoming film Cali and then followed up that news by having sources come forward and say she's too ashamed to even show up to the premiere of On the Road –– the movie that's supposed to show us all that she's a sexual creature with feelings and desires.

Sound familiar? You may have seen the latest trailer for that film. It's called “Kristen Stewart Has Totally Sexy Affair With Director Rupert Sanders In An Effort To Show Everyone That She's A Sexual Being Capable of Showing Sexy Emotions.”

While I at first tried to figure out how ruining Kristen's career fit into the whole PR stunt, I then remembered my earliest theory about this entire affair. And that's the wacky idea that Kristen went along with this entire scheme — a scheme that makes America hate her homewrecking ass — because she wanted to quit acting and wasn't sure how to get out any other way.

No one wants to cast the emotionally unstable slut that America hates — and Kristen Stewart's working her hardest to make that statement a reality. Between her inability to stop crying, her tearful phone calls to Rob and her lack of interest in promoting her current project, it's getting all too obvious that she's no longer trying to salvage her career. This entire affair was created to help end it.

Not to sound like a demonic villain out of a straight-to-dvd movie, but I think this is all part of the master plan.

Let's just look at this checklist of what's happened in the past two weeks since Us Weekly published the photos of K.Stew cheating:

– Create endless free publicity for Breaking Dawn: Part 2, Cosmopolis, On The Road and the upcoming DVD release of Snow White and the Huntsman – CHECK

– Build national name recognition for up-and-coming director Rupert Sanders and his aspiring wife, actress Liberty Ross – CHECK

– Sexualize Kristen Stewart for On the Road  so no one questions her character's sexuality- CHECK

– Victimize Robert Pattinson to the point that people will feel so sorry for him that they'll see Cosmopolis even though they didn't see his other movie Bel Ami – CHECK

– Create hype for Snow White and the Huntsman 2 after the first one wasn't as successful as producers hoped – CHECK

– Give  Kristen Stewart an easy escape route from her busy Hollywood career that she got thrust into as a child by her Hollywood parents- DOUBLE CHECK

With no other movies lined up for the next two years , besides her contractual obligation to Snow White and the Huntsman 2, and an apparent refusal to show up to the premiere of her own movie, Kristen Stewart's essentiallly handing in her resignation letter.

The question is if anyone's paying close enough attention to actually accept it.

(Photo: IMDB)