A Guy Says: That Time Robert Pattinson Emailed Me Back

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The last installment of the Twilight series is in theaters today.  It's called Breaking Dawn — Part 2. I’m excited to see Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson (Edward), and Taylor Lautner (Jacob) on screen together for one last time because I can’t wait to see if she chooses R-Patts or T-Lauts.  Though I’m not as excited as I could be.  It doesn’t really matter who she chooses because even if she goes with Edward, she’ll probably cheat on him with a man who has a wife and two kids.

But my anticipation has dwindled significantly for another reason.  Robert Pattinson revealed to Yahoo Movies that the whole Team Edward vs. Team Jacob was nothing more than a marketing ploy.  He told them:

“That was not from the fans either. That was kind of, uh, marketing,” Pattinson slyly revealed during our recent interview. “We're both on the same team,” he joked.”

What?!  I couldn’t believe it!  I was stunned.  The whole world turned upside-down.  For a few seconds, I actually thought to myself, “Robert Pattinson is a good actor.”  Luckily, I came back to my sense.  I was still angry though.  As a massive Twilight fan, I felt cheapened.  I mean, I thought they were only part of those Burger King commercials to fill in their back-stories!

Well, I wasn’t going to believe this little article.  I had to hear it for myself.  That’s why I emailed Robert’s publicist to confirm he actually said those two blasphemous sentences.  And I got a response.

As a matter of fact, not only did I get a response, but it also came from Robert Pattinson himself.  Now, I realize this seems unbelievable.  But that’s only because it is.  Nonetheless, his response was only added to be heartbreak.  This is the transcript from his email:

 “Hi, Harry.  Thanks for reaching out to me.  I always like to hear from fans, and I take any concern they have with one of my movies very seriously.  I’m going to be very honest with you because honesty has always been my policy.  Just like lather, rinse, repeat.  What I said to Yahoo Movies is entirely true.  The Team Edward, Team Jacob thing was just a bit of marketing.  I’m sorry if you feel used.  I didn’t mean to disappoint you.

This is not the worst of it though.  If I can be entirely forthright, the whole movie was pretty much a big marketing ploy.  I know that you and millions of others were under the impression that this film was made for the sake of art.  I know that you thought this movie was created so we could challenge the limits of a film’s ability to comment on the human condition.  But this isn’t so.

 It was just a business strategy to exploit a story with a timely vampire plot and massive built-in audience.  The studio made this movie in the name of business so they could cover the loses they accrue from making a bunch of movies every year that don’t make any money. 

Really, when you think about it, everything in these movies was motivated by business.  Like me.  Look at me.  I’m beautiful.  They could have gone with a fat, old guy who had one eye.  I mean, what’s really stopping them from doing that?  Yeah, that’s right.  Money is.  And that Taylor Lautner guy.  He has his shirt off in almost every scene.  There’s no real need for that.  It doesn’t do anything for the plot.  But it does get young girls fantasizing about a hot, tight-bodied guy while they’re in their rooms.  Meaning they’re more likely to buy posters and see the other movies.  I know you thought this these movies were made with the intention of dragging the cinematic zeitgeist into another era.  But that’s simply not true.  Turns out, everyone just wanted to a make a gigantic pile of cash. 

Thanks for emailing me, Harry.  Hope you enjoy the movie, nonetheless.


Robert Pattinson”

I’ll let that sink in:  Team Edward, Team Jacob, and Twilight are big money-grabs.  Breathtaking news.  You can’t trust anything that’s done for the sake of making money.

But hold on one minute.  Now that I think of it, the timing of that Yahoo Movies article seems a bit conspicuous.  They write this a day before the movie comes out?  Maybe to gin up awareness?  Sounds like a marketing ploy to me, which means the article must not be true!  Robert Pattinson must have been mistaken.  Oh, thank God.  For a second there, I was pretty sure everything about Twilight was artistically compromised.

(Photo: Fanpop)