I Doubt Even Kristen Bell Is As Excited About Her Baby As I Am

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70th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel Beverly Hills, CaliforniaTry to find something about Kristen Bell that I'm not obsessed with. Do it, I dare you. You can use as your setting her recent interview with Ellen DeGeneres, and you can use an example anything she says during it. But I'll tell you right now that you won't find anything. I'll even do your work for you, Mr. Fancy New York Lawyer.

For example, Kristen is pregnant right now. We'll call that Exhibit A. Most of my experience with rom-coms leads me to believe that pregnant women are irrational, cranky, and demanding, aka only slightly more annoying than they are the rest of the time, am I right, Hollywood?? However, Kristen is not cranky or irrational or even demanding. She is glowing and wonderful and sloth-obsessed and I love her. Exhibit B is that a lot of celebrities these days are all about home-births and water-births and generally pretending that a shrieking human being is not coming out of them head-first. Kristen feels no such compunctions.

Here's how the conversation goes down:

Ellen: Are you going to do a natural childbirth?

Kristen: I’ve got nothing to prove. I feel like when I arrive at the hospital. I want a glass of whiskey, I want the epidural in my back. And, I want to get hit in the face with a baseball bat and wake me up when it’s over because I’ve seen the videos and it looks terrifying.

Uh yeah. Yeah it does. Thank you for acknowledging that, fellow woman and celebrity. Thank you for not pretending it will be a peaceful process with deep-breathing and moon-chimes. (Those are like wind-chimes, except the moon rings them.) And thank you for clearing the way for us lesser souls to have a nice whiskey on our birthing bed. I think a lady has earned it after nine months of carrying a human being around in her stomach.

Exhibit C is that a lot of celebrities complain about their pregnancy weight gain, or talk about how they can't wait to be back working out. I don't know what her regimen is like, but it's ultra-refreshing to hear her talk about her body image:

Kristen: I look in the mirror and I think it’s the reverse body dysmorphia because I can understand what my shape is but I see Brooke Shields.

I mean if you're asking me, I think Kristen is more attractive than Brooke, but regardless, I'm obsessed with her attitude. And it seems Ellen is too, because she rewarded her with…what else…a sloth:

So all is right with the world, you guys. There's still not one thing about Kristen Bell that I'm not obsessed with, and she got to hang out with a sloth. It's been the perfect day. I can't wait for this baby to be born so I can start being best friends with it.

(Image: LJT Images / WENN.com)