True Story: Gwen Stefani’s Children Intimidate Me

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Truth be told, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale's young sons, Kingston and Zuma Rosdale, intimidate me. According to legend, they drove out of the womb on the back of a  motorcycle and didn't stop driving until they arrived at the Mo'hawk Mo'baby clothing store located in Northern California. But who knows if that's really true. I mean,  I called our Hollywood OB/GYN to get an official quote on the possibility of birth by bike, but he hasn't returned my call yet.

This recent photo of the boys at the 23rd Annual Time for Heroes Celebrity Picnic in Los Angeles made the blood in my veins run cold. If I saw Kingston walk toward me on an empty sidewalk, I would probably cross the stress. Like the popular senior in high school, I revere him and I fear him.

How do they know what to wear at the precious ages of 6 and 3. I wore Gap mix-and-match outfits until I hit 5th grade. So this super trendy outfit on a toddler and a first grader baffle me.

Now I know what you're thinking. Gwen Stefani picks out all their outfits.Years ago I would have agreed with you. But look at those expressions on those faces. Do those look like kids who would let their mother pick out their outfits. Yeah right.

These are kids who have drawers full of studded belts and faux nose rings. These are not children waiting around passively for mommy to pick out their clothes.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is how do I get some of their coolness to rub off on me? Is it the plaid pants or is it something else, something more rare, like having celebrity parents?

I'm willing to spend any amount of money to look as intimidating as them, I just need to know.

(Photo: Celebrity Babies)