Only 600 People Showed Up To Kimye’s ‘Small And Intimate’ Wedding Rehearsal, What A Bummer

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Kimye Rehearsal Dinner 5-23-14

Let's just say if the their rehearsal dinner is the appetizer to today's wedding entree, we are all in for one hell of a media clusterfuck main course.  Last night, the Kimye Rehearsal Dinner Spectacular was held at the Palace of Versailles, and it was so chock-full of grandeur that some media outlets were speculating that the actual wedding ceremony was underway. (Have no fear – the enormous entourage is en route to Florence as we speak.)

The guests were escorted into the palace via a 90-car envoy and had to pass through an actual DUI checkpoint to enter the rehearsal.  I know this is, like, the wedding and all but what I find especially befuddling is that there are 600 people in this world who don't find the Kimye wedding incredibly tacky.  Maybe they were just there for the Lana Del Rey concert

Oh yes, which brings me to this little nugget of information: E! online is reporting that Kanye “surprised Kim” with a performance by Lana Del Rey, which is especially miraculous considering every entertainment media outlet ever ruined that surprised earlier this week. It's the perfect cherry on top of this “small and intimate” sundae:

According to a second source, guests were pulled up to Versailles by horses. A full orchestra entertained the crowd as guides dressed in 18th century costumes took all the guests on tours and horse and carriage rides. “Everyone was crying! So beautiful,” source tells E! News.

Everyone was crying because they were drunk, E! News, okay?

The night concluded with a seven-minute fireworks display and everyone dancing under the stars to “Niggas in Paris”, just as Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette would have wanted.

(Photo: Instagram)