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Kimye Only Vaguely Knows How To Touch Each Other On Their Bridal Cover Of Vogue

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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian in wedding dress and tux on Vogue cover April 2014In case you needed some proof today that money can't buy you love or happiness, look no further than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West gracing the cover of Vogue in all their awkward bridal finery.

Maybe these two are head over heels in love with each other for more than just the boost in Instagram followers and potential increased viewership to Keeping Up With The Kardashiansbut you sure can't tell from this photo. There they are, each decked out in outfits that I have no doubt individually cost more than a year of rent for me, with a ring on Kim's finger that we know rang in at $8 million and dwarfs the hand of their daughter North West, AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.

Like, what is going on with your hands there, guys? You're reminding me of a couple of dolls, or some kind of creepily realistic cake-toppers. In fact, I didn't want to say this, but I'm getting shades of Danielle and Kevin Jonas with the way you're both so reluctant to let your hands rest on the other person in a natural way. You know, as if you've seen each other in person before this photo shoot and enjoyed that time spent.

Honestly I don't get it. Were they planning to Photoshop North over that bizarre hand cluster? Just fix it in post? How could this possibly have been the most casual and in-love that their doll hands looked in all the takes from this shoot? Kanye is holding hands with himself. Was he pissed he won the coin toss to decide who got to stand in front? Even though it's Kim's first Vogue cover ever! TOUCH EACH OTHER ON THE HANDLES YOU GUYS.

And just so we make it through every other issue I have with the cover and don't get completely sidetracked by Hand-Gate 2K14, I need to point out they've also put a hashtag right on the cover saying #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple. Which really should've been followed up by a tasteful #nodisrespecttobenaffleck, because you know that he and Jennifer Garner are gonna open up their early copy and be really disappointed they didn't make it. All those farmers markets for nothing!

(Image: Vogue via Refinery 29)