Remain Calm, But Kim Kardashian Has Given Birth To A Baby Girl

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Kim Kardashian Kanye West March 2013

[UPDATE: TMZ reports that Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl this morning at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and both mother and daughter are in good health. The birth comes five weeks earlier than expected. Kanye West was reportedly “there for the entire thing.” And so it begins…]

Oh my goodness gracious and by golly, you guys, I don't think I'm ready for this. I thought I'd have more time to really prepare all my letter-K jokes and make my predictions for what the baby's first outfit will be. It's all happening so fast. I haven't read enough books or or listened to enough motivational cassette tapes or gone to enough Lamaze classes. Is it really time to report on Kim Kardashian's labor? Well, it's happening. Kim's daughter with Kanye West is on her merry way into the welcoming arms of Ryan Seacrest. Or so I'd assume.

Earlier today, sites like The Daily Mail and OK! Magazine reported that anonymous sources said (what else is new?) Kim has checked into a Los Angeles hospital to give birth. RadarOnline explains that Kanye didn't show up to his own Yeezus listening party, perhaps because Kim was in labor. The Mail says she had taken out a birthing suite in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills. Those were all the deets so far, but we all needed to take a moment to really meditate and prepare. Do some breathing exercises. Maybe chew on some ice chips. Pace back and forth. We'll get through this together. Just squeeze my hand and scream.

While we wait for more news, there are always the other 14,000 celebrity women who are currently pregnant (except Beyonce), so we can have fun theorizing over which of them will be next. Maybe one of those babies even arrived while Kim was in labor. Because if I know anything about the Kardashian ladies, that baby took forever to get ready. Choosing the right eyelashes alone takes three hours.

(Photo: WENN.com)