Entertainment

If Kim Kardashian Actually Called Her Twitter Fans ‘Stupid Imbeciles,’ My Kardashian Evil Mastermind Theory Is Definitely Correct

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This week's edition of Star magazine, renowned for its journalistic integrity, is reporting that the divorce proceedings between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries might not be as hunky dory as she made them sound in her interview with Oprah. According to a source quoted in the article, Kim was physically abusive to her ex-hubby.

“It was much worse behind the scenes. She would pound her fists on his chest and throw sharp objects off her nightstand at him. It could have escalated into a scary situation,” the source said.

Somehow the idea of little 5'2″ Kim taking on 6'9″ Humphries and it escalating into a scary situation for him just doesn't seem plausible to me. According to another of Star's mysterious sources, Kim will be claiming that Kris was emotionally abusive in the proceedings. Possible, I suppose, but as far as I'm concerned not the most intriguing piece of news “reported” by Star.

Prepare for the shock of your young lives. Kim allegedly called her Twitter fans “gullible,” “stupid imbeciles,” “boring little nobodies,” and “pathetic people with no lives of their own” in voicemails to Kris.

Cut to Kim's Twitter, where her six most recent tweets are your typical “I'm a Kardashian and the people that stalk my life are like family to me” posts. I've always had this visual of the Kardashian family gathering together to watch an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians while fanning themselves with money and chuckling over the things they can get people to talk about. They know their empire is built on overexposure and the dedicated support of people like us who, for reasons we can't entirely explain, continue to watch their shows, follow them on Twitter, stalk their Instagram pictures, and read their blogs. And if Kim actually did say these things about us (yes, I obviously follow her on Twitter), I'm not offended; I'm proud.

It's one thing to think you're God's gift to the earth and everyone should be obsessed with you; it's another to acknowledge that everyone is stupid for being obsessed with you. I truly doubt Kim will lose any support over this, because frankly, most of us already know it's moronic to care. But I think this just about solidifies the fact that the Kardashians are media masterminds — possibly trained in some sort of sustainable hypnosis — who are not only a lot more self-aware than we give them credit for, but also spend much of their time doing the Kardashian version of an evil mastermind laugh at what morons we all are.

(Photo: @KimKardashian)

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