10 Things I Want Out Of The Impending Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom Divorce

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Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom at the E! upfronts April 2012Today is that fateful day, folks, when a marriage based on Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom knowing each other for less than a month finally comes to an end. Under the circumstances, it actually lasted a surprisingly long time, but apparently there are only so many times you can be pulled over for DUIs, engage in extra-marital affairs, and go on drug binges before the oath you swore to each other gets is cracked beyond repair. (Pun absolutely intended.)

But all jokes aside you guys, Khloe is expected to file for divorce from Lamar as early as today, and it's a really serious thing. Apparently the two of them signed a pre-nup that's pretty much ironclad, so there won't be much division of assets. Lamar and his $100 million net worth will stay separate from Khloe and her $18 million net worth.

She will keep their $4 million home and her $1 million wedding ring and any gifts he gave her during the marriage, and is reportedly also entitled to $500,000 for every year they were married. Lamar has already waived his right to spousal support, but Khloe still has the option to petition for support of her own, although even if it was granted, it would only be for half the marriage's duration, so two years.

So now that all that shoptalk is out of the way, let's decide what we each want to get in the divorce. I think it's only fair, considering any of us who watched their reality show were active participants in the marriage. I'll go first.

  1. Khloe's hairstylist. Girl is rocking that ombre and I need a piece of it.
  2. A basketball signed by Lamar. I could sell that, right?
  3. Fifteen minutes of snuggling with Kendall Jenner‘s birthday-dog.
  4. A consultation with the lawyer who designed their pre-nup. IRON. CLAD.
  5. An invite to Kim and Kanye‘s wedding.
  6. For Khloe to become aware that she really is the best Kardashian.
  7. A quick conversation with Bruce Jenner to figure out if he's doing a male to female transition or just casually removing his Adam's apple.
  8. To be in the family Khristmas Kard next year.
  9. A free pair of Rob Kardashian‘s themed socks.
  10. One million dollars.

And that's all! That's all I want out of this! So yeah, if you could just divvy up those assets and send them over to me post-haste, I'd be ever-so appreciative. THANKS.

(Photo: Michael Carpenter / WENN.com)