Kevin Jonas Is Having A Baby — Yes All By Himself

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Kevin and Danielle Jonas at book signing 2013Hark! Hear ye hear ye, shepherds of the world, for I bring you glad tidings of great joy! Noted purity-ring wearer and reality television star Kevin Jonas is to have a baby bestowed upon him by the great Pop Singer in the sky, our Almighty Stork-Father. (I'm now being told that he also sings songs occasionally with a band made entirely of his male siblings, but I don't have the name of said band currently available. I apologize; we'll be updating this story as it develops.)

After three and a half years of marriage, Kevin and his Married To Jonas co-star wife Danielle announced exclusively to E! via Skype that they are expecting their first child. So I guess Skype announcements are a thing now, huh? I've been doing most of mine through performance art, which is I think why no one realized that I got a new internship a month ago. It's really hard to act out 'I work for free in exchange for street cred' without the kind of high-end props department I'm used to. Speaking to Giuliana Rancic, Kevin had this to say about the moment he first found out Danielle was expecting:

"I was overjoyed. It's been the most exciting thing in my life so far. I'm excited and I'm nervous."

This is as opposed to many other married couples who are like, "Blood of our blood? Flesh of our flesh? Sick. I hope it doesn't look like us or want too much affection. BLEUGH."

Congratulations, Kevin and Danielle! Although if you do get a free moment today, I'd be interested to know how you transformed your on-camera-occasionally-eating-dinner-at-the-same-table-but-never-ever-touching relationship into the kind of situation where lights are turned off and beds are turned down and parts go into parts. Not to be rude (I'm about to be rude), but I'm still not entirely convinced that Kev-dawgg is into that.

(Image: Mr. Blue / WENN.com)