Danielle And Kevin Jonas Still Don’t Look Like A Real Couple On This Magazine Cover

By  | 

Danielle and Kevin Jonas on Fit Pregnancy magazine cover November 2013A lot of people would give up on a fakelationship conspiracy theory when the couple in question got married. Even more would give up when they announced they had a baby on the way. But I'm not most people, which is why I'm still obsessed with the allegations that Danielle and Kevin Jonas are totally phoning it in.

My theories are supported by Blind Gossip, which says that Danielle isn't actually pregnant, but is hiding it with fake pregnant bellies purchased online until their adoption can theoretically come through. It's a far-fetched rumor, but one that I happen to believe because sometimes I think Danielle messes up and wears the wrong belly.

You guys always yell at me when I write stories like this, and I'm sure today will be no different, but before you tell me I'm a raving lunatic, please do me a favor and look at the two of them on the cover of Fit Pregnancy. If you mean to tell me that those are the awkward prom poses of two people who have not only touched skin to skin before but also share a bed and a life and a future child, then I have some thinking to do.

But even if you're okay with the way that Kevin clearly doesn't even know how to touch his wife's pregnant belly, immediately read these quotes he gave the magazine and prepare to eat your words. Here is Kevin describing spending time with Danielle during the pregnancy:

“I wanted to be there for her. Whenever I had a day off, I’d fly home and we’d just lay in bed together.”

Yup, mmmhmmm, that sounds like the rest of your marriage to me. ‘Sex is when you lie silently beside each other under the covers and try not to let your bodies touch, right? Because in that case, I've had sex loads of times. Enough to create a whole baby and throw a really killer Mary Poppins-themed baby shower for my wife this past weekend!'

MARY POPPINS. I rest my case.

(Photo: Fit Pregnancy)