Katy Perry Apparently Drank No Alcohol For Three Months To Prep For Her Vogue Cover

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Katy Perry attending The Smurfs 2 premiere July 2013In totally normal and not at all excessive news, Katy Perry apparently dieted the crap out of her body for like three months before her Vogue cover shoot. Sigh. This is one of those days where I feel grateful not to be a celebrity, because while I was sitting around eating fried cheese and whipped cream right out of the can or something similarly fat-tastic, Katy was systematically cutting out all harbingers of calories and fun from her already rigorous diet. Here's how Katy describes her getting ready process for the shoot:

“I did a lot of my own prepping. I kind of went on a cleanse, I did a lot of stuff like vitamins and supplements, I changed my coffee to green tea, I didn't drink alcohol for three months.”

I'm sorry hello, do you mind if I interrupt? Because what you described isn't ‘kind of' a cleanse. ‘Kind of a cleanse' is when you decide to only drink that cayenne, maple syrup, and lemon juice stuff but also secretly supplement with day-old pizza that you find in the office fridge because ‘if it's at work it doesn't count'. That's what kind of a cleanse is. What you're describing is not only a cleanse, it's also a full-out war on tastiness that you've declared on your body. No booze for three months? No coffee? What kind of monster are you??

“I was really in the zone, I just wanted to be glowing for that cover.”

Well I hope you're happy, Katy. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. Because you just raised the bar on the rest of our glowing bodies for all eternity. I'd like someone to take an Instagram of me next year sometime, so I'm thinking of cutting out everything that isn't on the outside of the food. So like, I won't eat eggs, but I will eat eggshells. And I won't eat bananas, but I will eat the peels. Etcetera, etcetera.

I just want to glow like the fire of a thousand desperate suns burn within me and are shining out through my skin like I'm a paper lantern, y'know? Is that too much to ask? Sigh. Just tell John Mayer I'm trying.

(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)