Entertainment

Katy Perry Has Only Two Rules For John Mayer, And I Urge You To Raise That Bar, Girl

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Katy Perry John Mayer Valentine's Day 2013Welp, Katy Perry and John Mayer really do seem to be back at it again, because we still live in a world where miracles come true and breakups are never forever. Just ask Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber! They're either on opposite sides of the globe or getting tattoos of each others' faces. But I think we can officially qualify what Katy and John are doing now as ‘on-again-off-again', because they've dated thrice and broken up twice, so it is anybody's game. This time around, though, Katy is apparently laying down the law a little bit more…as long as ‘laying down the law' means making two very appropriate requests of her committed boyfriend:

“She said it will only work if he follows some of her rules. Getting rid of his old girlfriends’ numbers and no more texting them! John had tons of random girls texting him when he was with Katy before.”

Ugh, Katy! You're so demanding! I can't believe you don't want your boyfriend texting people he's JohnMayered™ before you! Next you'll be asking that he not stay over at Jennifer Aniston‘s house or do any more interviews calling Jessica Simpson ‘sexual napalm'! WHERE WILL IT END? Oh and now I'm hearing in my ear from my producer that you have another rule for John? Well yeah, let's hear it, I guess, you crazy, hyper-demanding harpy!

“Katy wants more dinners and date nights, and for him to be more romantic with her.”

Like, honestly, we're just setting the cause of feminism so far back here, Katy. If you ask this much from a man, he'll never buy your whole dowry! Don't ask him for dinners and eye contact and date nights and romance! Are you insane?! Just be glad for the accidental physical contact you can weasel your way into by swinging your arms wildly when you two are walking down the street together. It's these little victories that we must treasure, ladies, and never ask for more.

(Image: David Tonnessen / Pacific Coast Images)

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