Katie Holmes Poses Topless In Mom Jeans, Making For A Very Confusing Image

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Katie Holmes topless Glamour magazine August 2014 issue

Katie Holmes emerged from Where-The-Hell-Have-You-Been-Ville to pose for a spread in Glamour‘s August 2014 issue and talk about her upcoming role in The Giver and how excited she was to work with our lord and savior Meryl Streep. In one of the photos Katie happens to be topless. Not in a “Here are my boobies, hear them roar” sort of way, but more in a “Oh, I seem to have misplaced my blouse and brassiere. They were just here a second ago. I'll just stand here casually covering myself until they return” sort of way. You know, the ladies magazine way.

I understand all that artsy fartsy stuff. What I don't understand is what Katie's wearing on her bottom half. Those are some pretty serious mom jeans. I'm fairly certain they cover her belly button, or at least part of it. On top of all that, it's a pretty light wash. Certainly not a 1992 wash, but light enough to fit right in behind the wheel of a sensible mini-van. And don't even get me started on the belt. Actually, do get me started on the belt, because I really want to start on it. That is a mom belt if ever I've seen one. That's the signature mom belt color. What would you call it? Goes With Everything Tan? Looks Good With A Tucked-In T-Shirt Brown?

And sure, you might argue that Katie is herself a mom, to a 35-year-old named Suri Cruise. Katie's eager to talk that role in the magazine's interview with her, saying, “I am really focused on motherhood and work right now.” It's one of the ten fun phrases she says when you pull the string on her back. Pretty sure they Photoshopped that out of this photo. But just because she's a mom doesn't mean she has to wear the dated, stuffy clothes that have come to symbolize her people. Especially when she's not even wearing a pastel polo shirt on top to complete the ensemble. Go big or go home, Katie.

(Photo: Tom Munro, Glamour)