If Katie Holmes Makes Suri Cruise Do One More Normal Kid Thing, She’s Going To File For Custody Of Herself.

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While it's strange that I know Suri Cruise better than her own mother, it's becoming shockingly clear that I'm the only one in her figurative extended family that cares about what she needs to thrive as a miniature diva.

Day after day, I hear another report about Katie Holmes forcing Suri to be “normal” and “like other children.” First we hear rumors that Suri Cruise will stop wearing expensive designer clothing, then we learn she's going to attend school FIVE DAYS A WEEK and now on top off all this horrificness, we get word that she had to visit Ohio (gross) and share her toys with her cousins.

Can you believe the audacity of Katie Holmes to ask Suri Cruise to share her toys with her Midwestern cousins. Cousins who grew up in the suburbs and don't know the first thing about Paris Fashion Week.

Frankly, it's horrifying. And I just know, in my heart of Scientology hearts, that Tom Cruise would never ask Suri to do something so pedestrian.

Apparently this incident went down this week when Katie Holmes flew Suri Cruise to Ohio on a non-private plane and introduced her to her large extended family. Radar Online has so many details on the event that they either attended the family reunion or an intern dreamed the whole event up and still felt comfortable pitching it at a meeting. Either way, fascinating stuff.

“Now he is out of the picture, Katie decided Suri should meet her eight cousins for the first time in an attempt to give her a normal childhood, away from the glitz and glamor she had become accustomed to. It’ll take some getting used to for Suri, because she always gets things her own way. At first, she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of sharing some of her toys with her cousins when they all played together.But, soon enough, Suri won them all over with her bubbly personality and they can’t wait to have her visit again.”

And now on a Friday when we're supposed to spend the day fantasizing about how we'll spend the weekend and exactly how much SPF 75 we'll have to apply so we don't burn, we're stuck worrying about Suri Cruise. A child who's actually living out the plot of the movie The Little Princess. You know, minus the whole dead-not-dead father thing.

While you may think I'm exaggerating and wringing my hands over nothing, I fear this is only the only beginning of Suri's transformation from a fashion icon to someone who enthusiastically shops at Gap Kids. It's tragic and it's true and we're all bearing witness to to this American horror story.

(Photo: Wenn.com)