The Jackson Family Should Invest In Some Cell Phones So They Know Whether Katherine Jackson Is Missing Or Not

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This has been a banner week for celebrities who don't know how to use modern technology. First we had Fred Willard getting busted for jerkin' it in a porn theater when the Internet is readily available in the privacy of most peoples' own homes…and now we have the Jackson Family turning to the police and frantic Twitter posts to find their ‘missing' grandmother who was actually with other members of the family the whole time.

Late last night, Katherine Jackson, the late Michael Jackson‘s mother, was reported missing by one of her nephews. It had apparently been over a week since she had contacted her grandchildren, when typically she spoke with them once a day, and no one on that side of the family knew where she was. Paris Jackson was particularly frantic, tweeting:

She followed that tweet up with the security phone number she wanted people to call if anyone saw her. But it was only after the police and super-helpful Twitter community were involved that it was pointed out that earlier this week, Jermaine Jackson had tweeted that Katherine was in Arizona ‘resting up' on doctor's orders.

Okay whatever. Stuff seems fishy, particularly because there's a lot of fighting over Michael's estate going on right now, but whether she's missing or not, why not just call each other? We have these little boxes that we can put up to our ear, and information comes out of them. You can call anyone in the whole wide world, so why not call your niece to reassure her that her grandmother is safe? Or even let the grandmother call the police on the little box and let them know that they don't need to be looking for her anymore? I always forget what an odd family this is. Why not just talk to each other?

Okay. I'm about to go to the bathroom. I'm really hoping that nobody busts into my apartment while I'm in there and calls the police because they think I'm missing. Maybe I'll play a couple games of Words With Friends on the toilet so that nobody worries.

That's me — always thinking ahead.


(Image: WENN.com / FayesVision)