Everyone Remain Calm, Kate Upton Does Not Want Smaller Boobs

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Word on the street is that Sports Illustrated smallest-bikini-ever-created-cover-model Kate Upton wants to reduce her perfect boobs. Can you believe that? A woman wanting smaller boobs? I can't. I'd sell all my limbs for bigger boobs. Maybe even a few of the less vital organs. Does anyone really need two intentines. Especailly one that has the label “large” on it.

Apparently Kate Upton told a video crew at a GQ shoot  “My one wish… I would have smaller boobs. Just kidding! Hahaha.” But the media picked up on only the first half of that quote and gave us nightmare-inducing headlines like this one, from The Sun.

Like everyone else in the world, I read that headline and nearly died. Luckily, before I passed onto my next life I read the article and realized that Kate's just joking. Sigh of relief. What would this world be coming to if a woman openly wanted smaller boobs!

Especially a hot woman! I mean, it's almost blasphemy to type these words in the same sentence, but I have to: is it clinically possible for a woman to be hot if she doesn't have big boobs? I really don't know. Our resident boob-hot-o-meter consultant's currently on vacation this week so I can't get you a real medical opinion.

But looking at the way the world exploded at hearing this news, I'll have to go ahead and say no. No, it's not possible for a hot woman to have small boobs. Sorry, that's science.

(Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)