Entertainment

Watch This Kardashian Family Music Video And Tell Me Why It Exists

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I was blissfully unaware of this fact until mere moments ago when I unearthed this tragedy on the internet, but apparently the Kardashian Family makes periodic music videos in which they lip-sync…sorta…to popular songs. By which I mean out of all of the various and sundry Kardashians who appear in this video, maybe Scott Disick and Rob Kardashian actually know the song “Hypnotize”, by The Notorious B.I.G., which they're dancing to. Everyone else just gets filmed in a bikini while vaguely bouncing their large, famous rumps (Kim, Kourtney, and Kris) or their awkward, gangly –and sometimes teenage — bodies (Kylie, Kendall, and Bruce Jenner.) Khloe is mercifully absent, continuing her never-ending streak of being our favorite Kardashian.

The video is filmed on a boat in the Dominican Republic while the family was on vacation, because you totes need a vacation from sitting around being filmed and photographed. I know I do, anyway. I can also tell it was filmed on a budget, because Kim's boyfriend Kanye West wasn't present, so I can only assume they didn't want to shell out the extra money I'm sure he asked for to continue the facade of dating young Kimberly.

Speaking of youth, and facades…a big part of the permanent grimace on my face during this experience was knowing the lyrics of the song and living in constant fear that I was about to see Kylie or Kendall do something inappropriate. I wore bikinis when I was their age, so I can't say I'm specifically against that. Just something about the angles they were shot at, and the way some of the shots were slowed down, I was like…your family filmed this? It matches up with everything I've been hearing lately about Kris pushing the two younger girls into the spotlight to increase buzz for their upcoming reality show, but still. Eeeeeeewwww. Agh oh god! I just looked on Wikipedia and while Kendall is indeed sixteen, Kylie is actually fourteen. Mehhhh I feel scummy. There was way too much hair-tossing and zooming in on bikini zones for a fourteen year old.

I mean whatever. Obviously this family is gonna do whatever it wants, and they make a lot of money doing it. And I'm even actually contributing to the problem by commenting on it and getting them more pageviews for this video. But I don't care! I'm here and now registering my distinct discomfort with this video. For many reasons. For all the reasons.

Not least of which is that it stars the goddamn Kardashians being rich for being not good at stuff. Again. As always. GIANT BITTER SIGH.

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