The 9 Most WTF Moments From Kanye West’s VMAs Speech

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Last night Kanye West received the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the MTV VMAs. Why the VMAs would willingly give him an opportunity to speak into a microphone is beyond me, but it happened. Taylor Swift introduced him, calling him her “friend” (Who isn’t at this point?) and making winky references to that time he interrupted her VMAs acceptance speech.

Then it was time for Kanye to take the stage. It took him several minutes to even begin speaking, as the crowd went wild with applause and he just stood there basking in it. Then he started talking, and as often happens when Kanye West speaks to a crowd of people, it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. One thought ran into the next without much rhyme or reason, and he just kept talking and talking and talking and talking.

MTV published a transcript of the speech, and if you’re thinking that’ll help you to better understand it, you would be wrong. I rounded up some of the most WTF quotes. You’ll probably want to get at least a few of them embroidered on a pillow.

1. When he said he goes to the grocery store.

“You know I think about when I’m in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice…”

Kanye West does not go to the grocery store. He’s like Lucille Bluth. And by that I mean he probably thinks one banana costs ten dollars.

2. When he thought back on the time he interrupted Taylor Swift.

“And I think if I had to do it all over again what would I have done? Would I have worn a leather shirt? Would I have drank half a bottle of Hennessy and gave the rest of it to the audience?”

The Hennessy might have had something to do with it, but I’m not sure how wearing a leather shirt compelled him to jump on stage and interrupt someone’s acceptance speech. Did it just make him feel more rebellious?

3. When he told everyone that he saw Justin Timberlake cry.

“I sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee-Lo lose. Gnarls Barkley and the FutureLove … SexyBack album … and Justin, I ain’t trying to put you on blast, but I saw that man in tears, bro. You know, and I was thinking, like, ’He deserved to win Album of the Year!’”

Justin didn’t seem to mind, though, since he tweeted, “Kanye is so cute, y’all.” Then he gushed about the speech, saying “He always has a point. And I support it.” Of course, Justin didn’t say what that point was, because I’m willing to bet even he doesn’t know.

4. When he turned himself into a martyr.

“Sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion. For artists to be able to have an opinion after they were successful. I’m not no politician, bro!”

But you’re actually very much alive, Kanye. You didn’t die for anything. Also, that last sentence is going to seem a lot more ridiculous once you get to the end of the speech.

5. When he dissed award shows while receiving an award.

“I still don’t understand awards shows. I don’t understand how they get five people who worked their entire life … sold records, sold concert tickets to come stand on the carpet and for the first time in they life be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser! I don’t understand it, bruh!”

You know, if you don’t like award shows, you could always just choose not to go to them. And, you know, not accept the awards they want to give you. Just an idea.

6. When he admitted he smoked weed beforehand.

“Y’all might be thinking right now, ’Did he smoke something before he came out here?’ The answer is yes, I rolled up a little something. I knocked the edge off!”

I think I needed to be smoking pot to understand whatever this speech was about.

7. When he called himself a millennial.

“I’m confident. I believe in myself. We the millennials, bro. This is a new mentality.”

Sorry, Kanye, but you’re a little too old for that.

8. When he mentioned his grandfather for some reason.

“If my grandfather was here right now he would not let me back down!”

Okay. Not sure what that has to do with anything, but okay.

9. When he said this:

“And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.”

You know, if he’d said this several months ago before Donald Trump became a frontrunner for the Republican ticket, I would have laughed this off. As it is, though, I’m a little bit scared.

(Photo: Michael Tran/FilmMagic)