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Kanye West Calls Kim His Trophy Wife In A New Song, Proving Romance Is Not Dead

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Kim Kardashian Kanye West music video bitchThat Kanye West sure is one wise son of a gun, isn't he? Forget everything you learned on Sesame Street. It turns out it's actually what's on the outside that counts. Oh and also, women actually are objects to be won by men. Crazy how we thought the opposite all these years, right? If you need any more proof, just look at the lyrics to Kanye's new song with Future called “I Won” that's all about what pretty little trophies their fiancées Kim Kardashian and Ciara are.

And what kind of trophies are they, do you ask? Do they bear the inscription “Wonderful Mind” or “Beautiful Heart” or “Clever Sense of Humor”? Nope, they're just super duper hot and fun to have sex with. Just go ahead and read the lyrics to Kanye's verse about Kim and feel the romance fill you.

You the number one trophy wife
So it’s only right to live the trophy life
You grew up on J. Lo, Timberlands by Manolo now
Till one day I put an angel in your ultra sound
I want to dip that ass in gold, I want to dip that ass in gold
I made it over NBA, NFL players
So every time I score it’s like the Super Bowl
Baby, we should hit the south of France
So you could run around without them pants
I put that glacier on your little hand
Now that’s the only thing without a tan
My trophy on that Bound bike, I gave you only pipe
If people don’t hate then it won’t be right
You could look at Kylie, Kendall, Kourtney and Khloe
All your Mama ever made was trophies, right?

Oh my God, reading that just made me so emotional. I can only hope that one day a man will tell me he wants to dip my ass in gold and brag about the enormous disgustingly expensive rock he put on my hand. I want no mention of who I am as a person. I just want ass talk and materialism. The way he views having sex with her as winning a competition with other men is like so sweet. And the part where he compliments Kim's mother on making all those other hot trophies, including that underage one, is pure poetry. We should all aspire to be trophy wives, amen.

If reading this wasn't enough, or if you also want to hear all of Future's musings about keeping Ciara “in custody,” listen to the song below. But be warned that in addition to gorgeously romantic sentiments, it also contains some NSFW language.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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