I Need To Know Why Kaley Cuoco Is In Such A Goddamn Hurry To Get Married

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I Need To Know Why Kaley Cuoco Is In Such A Goddamn Hurry To Get Married Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco attending Emmy Awards September 2013 jpgAlright Kaley Cuoco, what’s your deal? You and I don’t know each other, so this is your opportunity to reach out with your brain and tell me telepathically exactly what is going on with you and why the hell you’re in such a goddamn hurry to get married.

In case Kaley’s name isn’t immediately familiar to you, she currently stars on The Big Bang TheoryBut even if you’re not a fan of that particular program, her name might sound familiar in conjunction with Henry Cavill, who’s the star of Man Of Steel and also a guy she pretended to date earlier this year.

I say ‘pretended to date’ because even though nobody really seemed to care about the timeline except for Crushable, Kaley’s supposed relationship with Henry overlapped by about a month with the three months she was dating her current fiancé Ryan Sweeting before the two got engaged. So this girl is so desperate enough to be in a relationship that she didn’t even bother ending her fake one before starting her real  one, and only lasted three months in her real one before she was ready to be engaged. WHY.

But okay, sure. I guess that happens all the time that people are just really feeling it and they jump right in. But Kaley is only twenty-seven, and she just got engaged at the end of September, so why is she already talking about having the wedding early next year?

“We’ve been planning, so hopefully early next year. We don’t have an exact date, but I want to marry him tomorrow so I want to go as fast as possible.”

Girl. GIRL. Slow that roll. What the hell is going on with you? Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry? If you really think you’re gonna be with this person for forever, then what’s the big hustle to get it nailed down? In a different time, I’d wonder if she was pregnant, but at this point, it’s not even an issue. I mean, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t married and they have six kids together, so why rush to the altar for one?

But are the two of them super religious or something? Are they waiting to have sex? I seriously need some answers, because at the rate they’re going, Kaley and Ryan will be married about six months before their first anniversary of meeting (the words ‘rumored boyfriend’ were still being thrown around in August 2013). Is that even enough time to plan a wedding? Ryan? Hello? Anybody?

“He doesn’t care, and that’s what he keeps telling me. He knows that I’ve been planning this in my brain for 25 years, so he’s not daring to get in there. He’s like, ‘Whatever you want!’ “

That’s a very intelligent way to avoid a bridezilla situation, but if your groom openly doesn’t care about the wedding, maybe you should hold off on it for a couple months? I mean I don’t know, isn’t that supposed to be a group event? Please advise.

OH. Are you two wealthy landowners trying to combine your holdings before the king next asks for tribute? I DON’T GET IT.

(Image: Apega / WENN.com)