Justin Bieber Disses Taylor Swift In New Song, Ruins His Chances Of Ever Being Her Fake Boyfriend

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Justin Bieber leaving

In between terrorizing South America and committing career suicide, Justin Bieber's been releasing a new song every Monday. And you better beliebe that they all sound just as generic and computeric as everything he's put out since his voice left him for puberty. However today's song is special because it's about Taylor Swift. You know Taylor, right? She's that cat that a witch turned into a songstress a few years back in exchange for John Mayer's number. She's also the reason that Selena Gomez broke up with Justin Bieber. Or I should say that her tongue's the reason.

Well, okay, let's be fair, a small part of the reason. While this is all speculation, I'm pretty sure that Selena's management team made her dump him before he dragged her reputation down any further. (If only Liam Hemsworth's people had done the same…) However, as we've learned, Justin Bieber lacks any kind of self-awareness. Which means that this concept would be completely foreign to him. "Speak English!" he probably yells at his management team when they say logical things like "this isn't good for your reputation" and "your career is suffering when you behave like an idiot" and "please stop pooping on the floor."

Considering that he's incapable of blaming himself for their break-up, he had to blame Taylor Swift. While he doesn't come right out and say it, the "All Bad" lyrics make it pretty obvious:

It's another, if it ain't one thing
Instigators, like pouring fire on propane
The wrong thing, they be worried about
Ooh, you know females
And how they like to run their mouth

And according to Hollywood Lifethe Biebs RTed a tweet suggesting that the song's about Taylor.

Which prompted the original tweeter to assume his shading suggestions are correct.

So now it's just up to the Swifties to officially launch war against the Beliebers. As long as the Swifites don't challenge the Belibers to a "how many words can you misspell in a single comment" contest, they have the advantage in this one.

Oh and if you need me, I'll be the one stuffing my face with popcorn and cheering everyone on.

(GIF: Tumblr)