Entertainment

Justin Bieber Is Sexing His Way Across The Globe, Starting With Victoria’s Secret Models

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Justin Bieber attending a party at Cannes May 2014Now that Justin Bieber has retired from his equally illustrious passions of singing and egging, I bet you're wondering what he gets up to all the time. I mean the kid has demonstrated a love for Instagram that knows no bounds, and we know he has plans to go to prom for a couple hours tomorrow night, but these are not 24/7 hobbies, so he obvi had to pick up another one — SEXXXXXX.

Even though I can't imagine there's a single woman on the face of this earth who still wants to let Justin near her private parts, there obviously are. I may not be affected by his particular brand of scrawny, but apparently one group of women is, and they're Victoria's Secret models. After having previously been linked to Miranda Kerr and Barbara Palvin, who supposedly broke up his relationship with Selena Gomez, Justin was seen hanging out in France with Adriana Lima a few days ago as well. Must be something in the underwire.

According to a source with Hollywood Life:

“All Justin cares about right now is having as much sex as possible with as many beautiful girls as he can meet. The more famous the better.”

Great. That's just great. I can't wait to hear how this goes. Although I am slightly comforted to discover that apparently there was nothing romantic about his hangout with Adriana:

“Justin and Adriana took the picture and hung out for a little bit but not as much as he would have liked. He has told his friends over and over that he wants to bang as many models as possible and he honestly believes he can. There is no relationship between the two, nothing brewing but he would hook up with her in a heartbeat.”

Blegh. Blegh blegh blegh. That's an ambitious itinerary, but Justin is on board, committed to spending this year ‘sewing his wild oats all over the world'. TEN THOUSAND POUNDS OF VOMIT.