5 Facts Rumors About Tati Neves, The Maybe-Prostitute Who Filmed Justin Bieber

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Tati Neves photo from her Facebook page September 2013I can't believe I'm even typing this, but you know how Justin Bieber was filmed sleeping by that woman in Brazil? After being caught on camera coming out of that brothel? (It's terrifying the things I've become able to casually type about this kid.) Well everyone's been kind of wondering who his ladyfriend was. Y'know, like whether she was a prostitute and stuff, and whether this hairless man-child actually paid for sex and if so, WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY.

But we don't have answers about any of that, because Bieber's team is frantically mopping up after him now that they've gotten him back into his cage. They're insisting that this woman isn't a prostitute, or maybe she is, but she definitely isn't even a little bit at all, so just quit asking and go back to your regularly scheduled broadcast, okay?!? It's a scary time out there for Scooter Braun and Co., with Biebs going rogue like no one has ever gone rogue before, and there's a lot of information rumors flying around about who exactly this woman is. Fun ones, too. Let me acquaint you with five of the most plausible:

  1. Her name is apparently Tati Neves, and she's a twenty-seven year old native of Brazil.
  2. She's either an athlete or a pageant queen (she won Miss Wellness 2012) or an actress or a prostitute or an escort or a VIP companion or a model or a dancer or some combination of the above.
  3. There are about ten Twitter accounts already claiming to be hers, but the one I find most credible, @tatinoficial, is currently suspended.
    Tati Neves Justin Bieber Brazilian prostitute September 2013
  4. In the above photo, posted to her Facebook, Tati appears to be wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Could this mean she's married? Absolutely. Is that for sure? Absolutely not.
  5. People are also saying she's a transsexual, presumably because she's super muscular and people would loooooove to hold that over Bieber's head. But there's no evidence to support that as of right now. And you can see her naked on Gawker if you still need convincing.

And that's all we know, or what we think we know, anyway. Kindly stay perched on the edge of your seat, because any millionaire who goes to sleep in front of a stranger and allows her to film him is bound to do something just as idiotic right…about…now.