Justin Bieber Wants To Live Like Jesus, Reminds Us All That He’s Not A Taco

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Justin Bieber Wants to Live Like Jesus  Reminds Us All That He s Not a Taco 1443451947 justin jpg

Oh, Justin Bieber. I literally just finished writing about how you’re a normal human being and then I read this interview you just gave to Complex magazine and now I don’t know what to think.

Justin is on the cover of the October/November issue, and his interview mostly just has me scratching my head. Here are some of the highlights:

He’s not a fan of other people’s music right now. Cue eye roll here.

I’ll hear songs on the radio, and I’m not really a fan of what’s going on right now in music. I’ll hear it and go, “Ugh, why is this being played so much right now?” I have such great music that I want to share with the world.

I’ve done probably three or four albums that I haven’t released yet. I’ve gotten all of these different modes, and try to dive into different ideas, and I finally came up with something that was pretty genius. I have these collaborations with Skrillex and Diplo, like “Where Are U Now” that just took off. This is their first top 10 record. It just shows that we’re breaking barriers in the EDM world. I think people have been trying to do it for a while, making dance music, like Usher and all of those people, but I don’t think it’s been done in the right way.

Justin Bieber, authority on All Great Music thinks dance music hasn’t yet been “done in the right way.” K..

He also addresses his rebellious streak in which he got a DUI and spent a night in jail, peed in a mop bucket, and did a bunch of other annoying and illegal things, which he’s kind of still doing these days.

I forgot what I was about, what my mom raised me to be. I veered off, and I got tainted. I came into the music industry at 13. I was trying to trust people and they’d break my heart at 15. You have your perceptions of people. There are awesome people who are the lovely, amazing, joyful kind. But I only saw people who are shitty and were taking advantage of me. When you have that perspective, the way you act changes. I was basically like, Fuck everybody. Then I started doing my own thing. I got into a little bit of trouble—nothing that other 20-year-olds don’t get into—just rebelling a little bit. Now, being 21, I’m coming into my own and around some pretty cool people who are not afraid to tell me what’s real.

I was doing anything. I was doing so many things that I shouldn’t even be on the planet still. I think that it was by the grace of God. The whole time, [Bieber’s manager] Scooter [Braun] always made sure I was safe and made sure situations didn’t escalate. He’d fix every situation. It almost wasn’t good, because I’d be like, any time I wanna do something, Scooter is gonna take care of it. It backfired a few times. It’s been a cool journey, an awesome learning experience. I wouldn’t take back anything. I wouldn’t do anything over again. I would do it all the same way. I’m not going to say I’m sorry for the things that I’ve done because I think that it allows me to tell a story. If I would’ve came into the industry at a young age and never had any failures, people would’ve been like, Who is this kid? He’s not relatable. Now, I went through my shit, I came out on the other side, and I’m going to show you it gets better.

Yeah, apologizing for one’s mistakes is completely pointless and unnecessary. If your eyes haven’t rolled so hard they’ve fallen out of your head yet and you can still see, here’s more:

Honestly, I think the pissing in the bucket wasn’t as big as people made it seem. Just because, dude, think about it. Imagine, you hear that fucking Ozzy Osbourne pisses backstage. Immediately, “Oh, he’s a freaking rock star!” As soon as I do it, “He’s being a brat.” Dude, what is bratty about pissing in a bucket? I had to go piss—we all have to pee. The bathroom was like on the other side, and the dude in the club was like, “Just pee here.” He told me I could and it wasn’t like I was being disrespectful. I feel like that was pretty ostracizing—bigger than it should’ve been.

Given that some poor soul uses that bucket to clean a nightclub floor and then had to figure out what to do with said bucket after you needlessly and unnecessarily PEED in it, I’m gonna have to go with, you fucking suck. The bathroom was on the other side of the club? Ladies and gentleman, it’s hard being Justin Bieber. So hard, in fact, that there simply wasn’t any other choice but to pee in a mop bucket.

He blathers on about his relationship with Selena Gomez, the big bang theory (the actual theory, not the show, you guys) and how important religion is to him, and has this to say:

…Christians leave such a bad taste in people’s mouths, even myself. I was like, I’m not gonna go to church. I had these church friends and I was like, you guys are cool, I like you guys, but I’m not going to church. Then it was the same thing of, just because you went to a weird church before doesn’t mean that this is weird. It doesn’t make you a Christian just by going to church. I think that going to church is fellowship, it’s relationship, it’s what we’re here on the earth to do, to have this connection that you feel there’s no insecurities. I think that’s where we need to be. Like I said, you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.

There just.. aren’t.. words. I really TRY to defend him because he’s 21 and none of us are all that smart at 21 even without millions of dollars in the bank and questionable role models, but, my god. He makes it so hard. All I want to know is: how on earth did the interviewer get through this with a straight face?

(Photo: Complex magazine)