Justin Bieber Wins The Award For Worst Coachella Outfit Of 2014 All Time

By  | 

Justin Bieber performing at Coachella April 2014

Abandon all hope, ye who see Justin Bieber‘s Coachella outfit. For once you have seen it, it becomes immeasurably harder to maintain your faith in humanity.

As you may have heard, Justin showed up at the California music festival to do a surprise performance (read: one that no one paid tickets for) with Chance The Rapper, who had a previously-scheduled set. I have no issue with that, other than the fact that I have no idea what he could've even performed, given that not a single one of his ‘new' songs was actually a hit.

What I do have an issue with though is Justin's absurd outfit. I'm used to this clown wearing diaper pants and onesies, but I figured that was just a phase. And even if it wasn't, we were definitely already scraping the bottom of the barrel, right? RIGHT? Wrong.

Because here is what Justin Bieber wore to a public event where humans were present and had eyes that could see him. Behold if you dare:

Justin Bieber surprise performance at Coachella April 2014

Why is he dressed like a boxcar child? I can't even tally up all the offenses, but right off the top of my head I'm seeing a bucket hat like babies wear, shoes with no socks, an oversized t-shirt, two bandanas, and A PAIR OF LITERAL NONSENSE PANTS.

Are they even pants though, really, or are they shorts? I can't in good conscience call them either one, because of that absurd length. They're wide-legged and hitting in the upper-ankle and lower-shin area, with an inseam of about four inches before we run into the saggiest, saddest crotch I've ever seen in my life.

This kid legitimately looks like he's doing that thing I do at work when I wear a hooded sweatshirt on my bare legs when they get cold in the office. And he's comfortable performing in that get-up, with no discernible crotch.

The only explanation I'll accept is that one of Bieber's fans made him this pair of pants and insisted he wear it onstage after a vicious chili accident with the ones he was originally going to wear. That's the only story that will satisfy me.

(Photos: Kevin Winter / Staff / Getty Images Entertainment)