In Which Jon Gosselin Jerks Off On National Television And Then Attempts To Deny It

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Jon Gosselin on Couples Therapy January 2014I don't know what Kate and Jon Gosselin are gearing up to do with all these interviews and publicity and exposes, recently, but whatever it is, I'm watching it like a car wreck.

It's always really uncomfortable when it involves any or all of their eight kids, like when Kate dragged Mady and Cara onto a live interview, where they promptly took silent revenge on her, but luckily this new bit is Jon-related and has nothing to do with the kids, so huzzah!

(And yes, before you ask — this is the second time today we're writing about Jon. We're not even sorry, because the clip is just that amazing.)

As you hopefully do not, but may know, Jon is currently on a show called Couples Therapy with his girlfriend, Liz. I haven't seen the show, but if that information is any indication, it's presumably televised therapy for D-List couples. I know Farrah Abraham is on there too, but that's she's by herself, after her reality show date ditched out at the last minute. On a related note, this has been the most depressing paragraph I've probably ever typed.

ANYWAY. Girlfriend Liz walked in on Jon amusing himself in a very particular way in the most recent episode. Because you can't have therapy ALL the time, and sometimes you just have to get a little handsy with your man parts under the blanket. Except she calls him on it and he denies it and oh my god, it's so amazing and uncomfortable and I can't stop watching it now or ever. It comes at around 36 minutes, 15 seconds into the video below.

And all I have to say before you start watching it is BE CAREFUL. This seems like just the sort of show that could suck you in and take eight hours of your life away before you even realized you were watching it. Trust me, I have experience in this area — I can quote all three seasons of Flavor Of Love

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Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my godddd I love it and hate it so much. And now we have to talk about what it means that he was or wasn't beating off for like five minutes! I can't. I'm just mesmerized. Why are these two people together? Do they even like each other? Why do you have to have your pants down to scratch your balls? What is going on?