Yawn: Johnny Depp Is Pulling A Classic Midlife Crisis By Dating A Younger Woman

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I never understood the women who had hard-ons for Johnny Depp. He's just not my kind of guy. I like them clean and shaven and fedora-free. But clearly I fell into the minority on that one because the guy won People‘s sexiest man of the year a record number of times. Each time I saw that face on that cover, I thought really, him?

However, while he doesn't get me all hot and bothered, I always respected him for being a complete weirdo. He's not your typical celebrity and he doesn't do your typical blockbuster films. That made him great in my eyes. I can respect the long-haired man in the corner who's doing his own thing.

So when I heard he split with Vanessa Paradis, his long-time girlfriend and mother of his two children, I assumed it would be for a weird reason. Like too much vampire role play during sex. Or he insisted one too many times that she wear wooden teeth to dinner. Something that would make us all tilt our heads and say “huh?!”

But no. It sounds like he's just another middle-aged man who's ready to sex up someone younger. Like 26-year-old Amber Heard. According to Showbiz Spy, the actress has been visiting Johnny on the set of The Lone Ranger. Which opens us all up to so many joke opportunities. Like, “I guess he's not a lone ranger anymore” or ” the ranger ain't lonely now, is he?”

For those of you debating whether or not to google Johnny's age, let me do it for you. He's 49. She's 26. That's a 23 year difference. Noticeable, but not unheard of in Hollywood.

What worries me is more is just how trite it is to leave your girlfriend/wife for a hot, young blonde. I thought he was more original than that whole schitck. I suppose not. He's just another middle-aged man overcompensating for inevitable hairloss by dating a younger woman.

Sad face.

(Photo: WENN)