Welcome To The News, John Travolta’s Former Gay Lover, I See You Brought Your Sex Tape

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I was hoping we hadn't heard the last of this story. Remember back a couple months ago when that masseur accused John Travolta of fondling his penis during a massage? Well John was able to provide air-tight receipt proof that he wasn't even in Beverly Hills the day it happened, so we can all just go back to believing he's a straight Scientologist trapped in a straight Scientologist's body. Or, if you're like me, you never stopped hoping, because something about this story was too good to let go of. And now, my pious prayers before bed every night are finally paying off, because John Travolta's former gay lover is coming forward to make a statement. And — sweet miraculous gay Christmas! — it's not even an anonymous statement or a blind item.

The man's name is Doug Gotterba, and he met John in 1981 when he began working as his private pilot. And then and then and THEN, the two of them started a passionate six year affair. Doug said he always felt like the actor was in charge of the relationship, and that he ‘used celebrity and manipulation' to get what he wanted out of their trysts. The only time Doug ever put his foot down was when John asked to film one of their encounters and make it into a sex tape: ‘He wanted to film it, but I said no.'


Please remain calm, you guys, but this is not a drill. This is the real thing. Not only is John Travolta back in the news, but we also get to find out what kind of lover he is (manipulative) and what kinds of sex he likes (filmed kinds). Doug goes on to say, ‘If he didn’t get his way, I knew about it. Whenever he got his way, I was treated like royalty.' This is so exciting. I'm not even bothered by the fact that the sex tape definitively doesn't exist and this man has no proof for his claims. It's just I've bad blue balls for shaking the Scientology tree ever since the Katie Holmes Tom Cruise divorce was resolved quicker than Suri could say ‘Sea Org'.

This guy has a lot to do before he'll completely convince me this relationship took place, but on the bright side, he's letting his real name be used, so he must feel like he has nothing to lose. And just saying, John Travolta, but six years is a long time. You're gonna have to produce a whole lot of receipts if you want to prove you were nowhere near Beverly Hills a penis during that whole interlude.

I literally can't wait.

(Image: WENN.com)