John Oliver Has Finally Cracked the Code to Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions
Last year, John Oliver shared how to avoid the worst holiday in existence, New Year's Eve, by lying to everyone you hold dear so you can spend the night being happy and alone at home. This year he's continuing to show us how to live our best life (i.e our laziest). John is letting us in on the secret to fulfilling all those New Year's Resolutions we thought it would be good to come up with 4 days ago.
Knowing that resolutions are just the “exact middle ground between lying to yourself and lying to other people” is the first step to not feeling bad and embracing the laziness, John explains. The Last Week Tonight host wants to show that even if you already broke your resolutions, all hope is not lost. Like everything else in life, you just need to lower your expectations. For resolutions to work you “revise them once you've failed.” Using the most common resolution – exercising – as an example, John shows how to do just that. Instead of doing really hard things like actually exercising just focus on getting your heart rate up. This can be achieved by “waking up late for work” or “taking a pregnancy test.” Add “having to call in a food order because Seamless is down” in there and you'll be ready for a marathon in no time.
To help with other resolutions you might have, John suggests using those new healthy gadgets you got in interesting ways (crockpot as a mouse hot tub) or scaling your resolutions way up to a “completely unachievable level” so that “you won't feel bad when they don't happen.” So feel free to take John's advice and add “become best friends with Amy Schumer” to your resolutions list.
John will impart some more wisdom on us when Last Week Tonight returns to HBO on February 14th for the best Valentine's day ever.