John Mayer is Now Banging Katy Perry, Proving His Penis is Still Racist
TMZ is reporting that John Mayer and Katy Perry were seen leaving Chateau Marmont together last night. While I'm pretty sure that Chateau Marmont is used mainly for cocaine binges and easy publicity, it's also the perfect place for the rich and famous to get laid by someone equally as rich and famous.
The news of Katy Perry and John Mayer hooking up is great for both of them- he enjoys sleeping with/publicly degrading female pop stars and actresses he has absolutely nothing in common with, and she has low standards. Perfection!
Can someone please explain to me what it is about John Mayer that gets women everywhere hot and bothered? I'm John Mayer-blind. There is absolutely nothing about him that I find attractive. He usually looks like Johnny Depp and Jack Johnson had a dirty homeless baby.
He makes the funkiest faces when he's performing. He's publicly denounced African-American women's attractiveness (to be fair, he was speaking for his penis). He's apparently pretty good at turning women into weeping mental cases (Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift) and getting others to change who they are to suit his needs (Jessica Simpson and her unsuccessful attempt at being a hipster brunette, albeit a “sexual napalm” hipster brunette).
He's even convinced the
Cheshire Cat Giada DeLaurentis to do things I never want to picture anyone on The Food Network doing! Sure, he can carry a tune and play the guitar quite well. But so can about 4305843958309485 other guys these days, so… yeah. I don't get it.
I have an open mind, though. I'd be willing to listen to a counter-argument from someone who thinks John Mayer is the bee's knees (only until I become nauseated). Maybe he's misunderstood, misquoted, and misrepresented by every single woman he's ever dated. But most likely, he's just a dick.