John Mayer Will Return To Professional Touring After Three Years Of Amateur Douchebaggery

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John-Mayer-at-the-Grammys-February-2013-purple-velvet-suitJohn Mayer has announced that he will mount his first concert tour this year after taking three years off to mount other things and take an extended vocal rest brought on by stress and overuse to his chords. Oh by the way you guys, this post is gonna be sprinkled liberally with crude references to , so if that doesn't appeal to you, go back to middle school and try again. I see an opportunity and I go for it. Sorry for partying. So anyway, after three years of resting his throat and approximately three hours of resting his penis after his most recent breakup with Katy Perry (zing!), John has announced he will return to touring on July 6th to support last year's album ‘Born And Raised'. This move represents a return to the professional world after three years of amateur douchebaggery and date-dabbling with various starry-eyed famous ladies.

The tour itself will visit more than forty cities in four countries, and will be opened by Phillip Phillips of American Idol and double-name fame. He's warming up for the tour with performances on April 25th and 26th in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and New Orleans, respectively, the first of which is already sold out, but you can buy tickets to the rest of the tour here. In what I'm sure is a personal dis to me for my less-than-positive pieces on him, he's avoiding completely Portland, OR where I grew up, and New York, NY, where I currently reside. But his personal vendetta against me aside, it's pretty cool that he's getting out there again, after being sidelined by granulomas discovered on his vocal chords during initial planning for this tour. The first surgical removal was innefective, so John is just grateful for the ability to perform again:

“The greatest gift I have in my life is the opportunity to play again, which is also the opportunity to dream again. My dreams were in escrow, but when I found out this thing in my throat had receded, the most exciting thing for me was having a second chance at a new life. My dreams have come true twice. That's really cool.”

Congratulations, John! I hope you really enjoy yourself over the next few months! It'll be really exciting for you to do an extensive tour of something other than the female genitalia. Ayooooo!

(Image: FayesVision / WENN.com)