Entertainment

Joe Millionaire Will Not Be Getting Any Furtive Blowjobs In The Woods Considering What He Looks Like Now

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Joe Millionaire Evan Marriott then and now curly hair

Remember how deliriously bad Fox's Joe Millionaire was back in the day? This was one of the first reality shows that I can remember being built around a deception: Construction worker Evan Marriott pretended to be a wealthy bachelor, learning how to drink wine and lying to the female contestants. He ultimately bagged Zora Andrich, and once he told her his true identity she said she loved him anyway, allowing the couple to take home $1 million. (But of course, they broke up after filming ended, because that's how reality-TV love goes.)

Evan was kind of cute, in a beefy, Tarzan kind of way. But then BuzzFeed found this screenshot of what he looks like now, and the years have not been kind.

Joe Millionaire then and now goatee wtf

THAT GOATEE. What could have possessed him to grow that on his chin? I don't think he could pass for anything but “washed-up reality star” by now; his IMDb profile reflects that, since his last big roles were reprising the Joe Millionaire persona on Miss Castaway and the Island Girls in 2004 and appearing as himself on 1 vs. 100 in 2008.

My favorite scene from the series has always been when runner-up Sarah Kozer seemed to take Evan into the woods for an illicit blow job: We heard her say, “Let's go somewhere quiet,” and then subtitles like [slurp] and [suck] while the camera was trained on the dark woods. In writing this article, however, I discovered that the Joe Millionaire producers freely admitted to “frankenbyting” the scene out of other footage. So now I'm really disappointed.

This promo makes me feel a little bit better:

Photos: Snakkle, BuzzFeed